Reposted from antipope

Dear Producers. So, 2012 was your making? Most impressive, if it had not been for the consistent and at times obtrusive fuck-ups related to keeping my mediastreams non-parallell to me i wouldn't have believed that this could be "wrought" by an entity in the first place. (Matter of fact i still harbour my doubts, but letting my doubts go completely wouldn't be sporting...) The first thing that struck me with your 2012(TM) product was that it rehashed a whole lot of old science fiction stories. At times i couldn't really be sure if i was reading about president Obomi in Zanzibar or following my old friend Sun Boy from Cordwainer Smiths time. Honestly, are you reusing scripts that often just to get a headline in the news? I mean, it's difficult to compete with Justin Biebers allure, but you might try with some novelties for once. (Oh but you had those!) Variations on themes, that is what you are about aren't you? Good old yearmakers. Please remember that variations are all good and dandy, but unless you provide some novel material, humanity might fall into a nietzscheian obsession with the return of the eternal same, and we all know how that turned out. I'd call this an improvement on the famed 2008(TM) when you decided that all the year needed was a reissue of Blazing Saddles. Fair enough, it was a good movie, and we still love it, but Obama is spending his bloody good time setting up that faux village that the evil bankers and odd sorts are supposed to hullobalooba about, isn't he? Oh wait.... As always i'm just waiting for this to collapse into Lukuss, and luckily, it didn't happen this year either, thanks for that. It's going to be horrible, but we'll persevere. Which brings me back to another theme..... Can you please get it into your head that Socialism in One Country does not work? We have it here in Norway, and we're scared the fuck out of how the rest of the world is acting! Could your next update (2013(TM)2014(TM)) please contain bugfixes that enable us to own vital resources and infrastructure collectively on a global level? That would be neat-o! There is room for competition, and that room is in the non-vital services, let it thrive there and wither elsewhere. Sincerely A concerned and recklessly unanonymous Norwegian.

Settled

So, I'm settled now. New house, hopefully a full time job by february, union membership, party membership, loan (a huge one, to family though, so not to worry...), now is the time that things really start getting off ground. (Whilst i watch various european economies hurl themselves off into the abyss.) So granted, one day the state might not have the money to sustain its current welfare policies, and that irks me to no end. Of course, doing something with that inevitably comes up against the fractured rules and regulations governing the vaudeville act that is our current assortment of nation-states. Regulatory capture indeed. Hey, some good things might even come of this, and i would very much prefer it if the current trend towards further interdependence-creation within the EU were allowed to continue. Other than that the house is proving a joy to live in. My living room is unadorned with needless clutter, and i keep it screen free to the best of my ability. I will probably have a desk to work on there soon, and a nice desk for my computer upstairs. The fridge is stocked with a nice selection of the basic foodstuffs i need, and the freezer has some filets of fish and some spinach. Just what the doctor ordered. Work is on @1710 tomorrow, so I'll be off.

Regurgitations.

Panic in the building. No, not really. Panic in the world, it seems. Oh so be it, i am, apart from the media, very insulated from it. (Apart from the oh-so-sensitive being i do possess, and it's inability to avoid lookng, but alas). Lot's of things in the world are getting a real shakeup, it seems. It is, to be honest, quite amusing to watch from afar, though that is a cynical take on it all. But as always, i need to build myself in order to gain any traction here whatsoever, to diverge too far from that main objective wouldn't benefit anybody... I'm weirded out, all of a sudden i don't want any bookshelves in my new house. That is far from what i expected, but it makes sense. The books in my bookshelves have over the years become too much of a passive entity. I don't take them out and read them, they just sit there and brood. THat is no way to start a new hous, with a bunch of old and familiar brooding books. Though i kind of need them to remind me where i am going. As loose as my plan and my views are it is important to remember where i've been and what i found in the literary world that resonated with my outlooks. What i do need is a mental map, a better mental map. I've tried some digital solutions for making them, but they are cumbersome to work with, sketches are best made on paper. This is a priority. When i visited Henrik in Berlin he had some mental maps built in order to make his literary skeletons more visible to himself. Adopting the same idea makes sense. Other than that. My new living room will be a completely screen-free zone. It will be grand. Those monitors and tv-screens are real attention-suckers and i need less of them if i am to progress. (And slightly more willpower, but alas...) The laptop is allowed into the living room, but that is a machine i'm confortable working on, and that has good workflows attached to it. My desktop computer lacks these workflows, so i'll hide it in my bedroom (with a nice 27", so it won't be -that- hidden....) I have lot's of misses in my writing now. That is something that needs to be remedied, i haven't done this in ages, and my timing is off. So is my finger-positioning. Not good....

Longtimes.

So. I own a house now. That wasn't expected. But it is kind of amusing, so i will enjoy it a lot. (Or watch it all come tumbling down over my head in a day or two.) Weird family i have, i guess. And a patient one, at that. Sad fact is, i don't much go for the reckless exposure of myself that i once used to enjoy so much. That is actually really not a good thing, but i don't see how to regain that momentum without being free of anything to lose. And, hey, i don't have much to lose as of right now, but i just can't pose like i used to. This makes me feel more dishonest, so i really think i should do something to jolt myself into expressions of the past. Something with actual drive and engagement instead of bland statements of fact and superfluous commentary. In other news, i really really really really need to not consume these quantities of alcohol... Something does not sit right in the lower parts of my body the following days when i do that. I'd say kidney or liver, but i don't know the front from the back of my body. Other than that. GOt two months to end up in possession of the available position in the kindergarden i'm currently working in. That would be totally sweet, (until the point where everything is ruined by a lack of money that is). But i'm not too optimistic about getting it, they're likely to go for a woman with credentials, or somesuch. Not much to be done about that but to live with that i would have gotten it if they hadn't wanted somebody with those exact qualifications, and that means i'll get one some other place if i want it. (But do i? Yeah probably.) SO yes, i've become boring, risk averse, and full time employed, member of the local union and the labour party. What more can go wrong? But, as i said, As long as i end up somewhere in between outdoorslife, the sciences, creativity and pedadgogy i'm a happy camper. And that is where i am right now, so yaytime!

Written word.

Poker chips, everywhere! Do ask. Honestly, this place was never intended for the consumption of anybody i might encounter. I'm not naive enough to believe that it wouldn't be encountered, but i never really dealt with how i might then respond. Just as well that i didn't, really. This has, and should continue to be an experiment in how far out of my own comfort zone i'm willing to push myself in public. The answer to that question has as of late been; not particularly far. I don't know if it comes down to laziness, fear, or complacency. I'm assuming a mix of all three until otherwise proven. As strange as it might seem i have, as opposed to many previous parts of my life been in a state of near complete wellness relative to the 21-28 period of my life. This is, to say the least, odd. Though not wholly unexpected. Granted, my life has its privileges, which i have in previous modes of thought been too ridden with troubles to do more than duly note occasionally. Now i note them, pretty much continously. And that is....weird. I like weird, i have a great list of encounters with weird, and i intend to continue exploring in such a manner as to encounter and enjoy more weird. But blissful complacency causes a desire not to rock the boat unduly much. Which was something i enjoy having done, and find it necessary to continue to do to truly enjoy myself. Though i can argue that i have found other ways of rocking said both which are more to my discreet tastes than my previous no holds barred self-revelatory outbursts in this channel. Which leads me to something of a conondrum. I am fond of radical transparency. First and foremost i would like to see it applied in the affairs of state and private enterprise (large scale), but i do also see quite large efficiency gains if humanity were to cast off the shackles inherent in a limited appraisal/expression of oneanother as complete beings. This does not leave me blind to the deficiencies of a truly transparent relation to ones own life, thoughts and expression at present. I could, if i wanted to, draw up some really sordid stuff from the depths of my mind, and splatter it all out here. Though that would be very difficult indeed. Suffice to say, pry if you want, but without a question i might not always answer completely. But anyway, now a quick recap. Summer is over, winter is coming, and i'll shuffle this deck. I'm doing a lot of things now, most of them poorly, most of them with good humour. My trotskyist entryism project is proceeding steadily. The local labour party is a nice bunch of people, (up to a point, i will not press it further, though i could probably over the years develop quite a distaste for a lot of them). As long as i just attend meetings and try to understand the mechanics of the organization everything will be fine and dandy. That is what i'm there for, though i find them much preferable to most other national party organizations. (Of which my knowledge is, of course, skewered somewhat negatively.) I have some ideas for courses the party really should hold for its members if its interests veer in the direction of societal and regional comprehension. Though i am perhaps just catering to my own desires about more knowledge about specific parts of the structural, legal and economical framework norway is mired in both nationally and internationally. Fair enough, suggestions seldom hurt in any case. Not knowing exactly how to handle these structures leaves me shy in the face on them, but that will disappear over time, so i'm not particularly worried. So many words, and so many vague generalities, Gerhard, you're really quite slippery! Yes i know. I am now officially popping pills and powder to the great gold medal. The current regimen is 100mg Q10, 500mg choline, 500mg Acetyl L-Carnitine, 1200mg milk thistle and 12 g of something called Green Zone every day. This is in addition to the rest of my diet, which has been chronicled before. So, basically i'm sitting here in norway enjoying my days, wishing the world was not as tumultous as it is and going for broke on self-improvement. Time mostly spent on projects without any particular timeframe, or application outside of my desire to see what happens when they are completed. Oh, and i'm part of the cancer of labour unionism now. Whodda thunk it?! Should be interesting. I'm just loading up the lfs-take4 system, which i'll try to run from my main machine without becoming too distracted. This is pretty bland stuff, gerhard. Yep. Why on earth? You used to be fun, grumpy, self-reckless and expressive. Yep. Oh this has to do with holding down a job and all that stuff which is called ordinary existence isn't it? Sorta. Sorta? Is that your best reply? Well, apparently. Though what do i want me to say? This world still hurts as hell to look at a large part of the time and so many people are completely locked in their cycles of existence as to be uninterested in nothing but the (to me) most base forms of explorations of it. And you're turning more and more like that by the minute, aren't you? Not really. I'm exploring a lot. I've never been; a member of a political party, a union member, a sunday night arma 2 gaming session player, a full time worker, a smart drug user, a dietary nut, an exercise maniac, and some other things before. Granted, it must be alot of fun to float through it and see what is actually possible and trying to learn all of these things ins and outs. It is! Now your answers are short again. Yup. But recklessness? I miss it, sometimes. But the world as i see it is a reckless place. And now i want to weigh my punches for a while. And hit where? Agitate, educate, organize?! Oh vey. I know, don't even get me started on the jewish country regiment. By the way Gerhard, how was Cerebus? HOLY HELL THAT COMIC IS SO UNBELIEVABLY GREAT AS TO MAKE MY EYES WATER. Nice to know. It is, its just easy to become exhausted by it when you are too accustomed to outside/inside -discrepancies. Yeah. When are you going to get back to those outside/inside discrepancies by the way? Ummmmm. They're IMPORTANT! Yes, we agree, they're just kind of difficult to keep talking about when there is no visible jump-off point to further understanding of them. You mean besides re-reading Sync by Strogatz, and actually spending a decade digging into Penrose's Road to Reality? Exactly. Which means devoting some years to maths and physics and the like, which i totally should, if my energy level in the evenings was a bit higher than it has used to be. Which it is now? Perhaps? Well, hunh.... Which it is now. I'll get right on it then. As soon as i have hours to spare. Get up earlier in the morning for chrissakes, there's nothing stopping you from waking at five besides your indulgent desire to wallow in your own dreams. Dreams are important! Yup. Hey, now you're the terse one. Yup. Dangnabbit!

The well-ordered life.

And there i was. The day prior two polish cyclists had visited, a copy of Norman Davies "A short history of Poland" had been ordered at the library, and i was listening to Rattle conducting a great many works of Szymanowski. What might then be more interesting than a HeadphoneCommute'-mix dealing with experimental electronic music in Poland in the period 1960 - 2012? I don't really know. Part of our journey indeed!

The well-ordered life.

And there i was. The day prior two polish cyclists had visited, a copy of Norman Davies "A short history of Poland" had been ordered at the library, and i was listening to Rattle conducting a great many works of Szymanowski. What might then be more interesting than a HeadphoneCommute'-mix dealing with experimental electronic music in Poland in the period 1960 - 2012? I don't really know. Part of our journey indeed!

Schools in for autumn.

So, that is the end of another summer. One which fared (surprisingly?) well. I might have been drinking too heavily in june, bet after that i regained the focus on wellness i should maintain most of the time. So i won`t really regard that as a problem. There won`t be any work for a week or two anyways, so i`ll have some time to wrap things up whilst in Bergen. That means i can spend some time really getting my exercise-regimen up and running again. Unfortunately i won`t be able to time it to regular working hours since the swimming pool is still on its summer schedule. It`ll be fun regardless. Other than that the things i have to do are as follows : -Finish the lfs-build, which means having to retread everything from locale-installations. (Sigh.... oh well, it won`t be that much of a pain.) -Keep running the basic hebrew-lessons. That project has a -very- relaxed time-frame to it, so no worries, but the current method improved will yield results. -Do the financial markets course. (One lecture a day means twenty days to finish, if i manage to stay procrastination free....(hahahahaha)) -poke around for a new place to stay. shouldn`t be too difficult, but involves that dreaded thing called capital. We`ll see. -do the basic diet funstuff, you know the drill. -more money on smart drugs, less money on alcohol. seems deceptively simple, doesn't it?! -get ahold of a nexus 7, asap, or as soon as it hits norway anyhow. i can't be bothered to get it from overseas. -i'd prefer it if i got to ride some more on my catrike this season, i'm getting a new rear fender, so that is doable. -preferably do some math, and some chem, and some language, and some (very basic) programming -role playing games? the jury is still out on whether or not i can be bothered with that this semester, it'll eat upwards of ten hours, which i might have if i'm effective, not if i'm not... -hackbergen, i should definitely be more active there, and do something silly like buy some arduino-stuff, (or just do the spoiled rich kid w/o a clue routine and buy a mindstorms kit) (hey, it's about popularization and lowering the thresholds for participation and interest, isn't it?!) -ap, yeah well, i'll attend the meetings and otherwise take a slow and silent approach to it all, more than that would require surplus energy i am somewhat uncertain about possessing enough of -dancing. i will probably show up for the first lessons, and then we'll see if i manage to stay with it this time. -coursera starts in september, should be fun. -more german, maybe through duolingo, maybe through deutsche welle, definitely through IP. Maybe all of the above. Am i overdoing it? Hell yes! might it work? Hell yes! The one thing i have to cut back on this autumn is sleeping, 4 to 6 hours will have to suffice. Honestly, i can save my twelve-hour+ sessions until my christmas vacation. Now for an interesting question.... what shall i listen to after i've been through the tonatom-catalogue? I need a sophisticated creative commons netlabel. (Of which there are many, and i have some in my bookmark-file, though which to choose?) Firt of all i shall have to listen to the new kahvi and laverna-releases. You're nuts Gerhard! Yes i know! Oh, and i have to play some Day Z. It's a hard knock life. Good luck everyone.

Charmed

(Hopefully)

Awesomeness

There is, strangely enough, many reasons to be very optimistic about everything. How i came about such optimism is to me somewhat odd, but i hope i'll be able to take it in stride. Anyways, the last week or two has been retro enough. Working out at Uggdal Fysikalske is something we haven't done since 2008, but it's interesting to try out the old routine again. Punching and kicking a medicine ball is surprisingly entertaining. The only problem is that we need a proper volleyball. The conversations are interesting as well, which is a good thing. Robie House is coming along nicely, it's fun to stand and work on it, though i think it might beb somewhat problematic to my back in the long term. I will have to figure out another way of doing it to be on the safe side. tonAtom provides a nice background noise, and i'm over halfway through their release-archive! Other than that i've listened to an Endless Ascent release which was beyond awesome (as always), and i've gone through some HeadphoneCommutes. I got a nice batch of recommendations from the latest Gramophone, which i am looking forward to playing with. linuxfromscratch is in chapter 7 now, and everything seems to be progressing nicely. i want to take a short hiatus from it though, because i just borrowed "The German Genius" at the library and i really want to read that as soon as possible. The La Trobe U. lectures on the European Union has been very enlightening, and can be recommended to everybody. I'm also about to finish off the last lecture in the series on "Capitalism: Success, Crisis and Reform" which i've spent quite some time with. (Just please do not ask me how much i remember. That isn't what it's about (yet)). Codeacademy is fun, and we'll see how that fares over the next few weeks. And i just signed up to two courses on logic and mathematical thinking that start sometime in september. (Because i have so much time to spare you know....!) It shall be a charmed autumn indeed.

legoduino

i should also get me some arduino love soon. Getting to it. Now if somebody gave me a years subscription to safari books then i`d be in heaven. A very distracted person in heaven, but yet...! =)

Hectic.

So, things have been getting hectic around here. That is, -relaxed-, hectic. Which is one of my stated goals. There`s no point in too much of a hectic life. Its also related to what i compare myself to, and i compare myself mostly to myself in order to keep at least a semblance of belief in my own progress and prowess. Anyway, i found codeacademy, and am now enjoying myself through some very basic lectures on the workings of javascript. It is very entertaining, even though memorization is far from my strong suit. But it doesn`t hurt to go back and re-check the correct syntax once in a while. I still have faint shimmers of the, frankly stupid, idea that i should manage to memorize everything in one runthrough. I know from experience that this is not the case for me, and should stop bickering about it, but it keeps nagging me. So, linux from scratch, coedeacademy, tonatom, building the Lego Farnsworth House, drinking coffee, trying to stay hydrated, smoking too much (ugh!), trying to learn the hebrew alphabet, listening to lectures on the history and composition of the european union and some very interesting lectures on the crossroads between literature and science in the 17th to the 21st century in (mainly) europe. Those lectures on literature and science from Freiburg are really interesting, though i must admit to occasionally slipping in my understanding of what is being said. Though it seems i am capable of paying pretty good attention now. The last three months of drs 4 has helped a lot. The hebrew alphabet is interesting. It feels really good to learn different signs for the sounds humans articulate, and writing from right to left is quite intriguing. I have plenty of apps to feed my language-curiosity, and i`ll get started with hebrew and see where it takes me. I have approx. 60/70% recognition on the consonants now, and that is with three days of practice, so it seems plausible that i`ll have them under control in another week or so if i commit myself to a daily practice section. Which i do. It is a bonkers experiment if i ever started one, but i feel a distinct need to learn a variety of scripts used by humanity. Afterwards i think i`ll take korean for a spin, and then cyrillic. In those cases i won`t immediately try to learn the language, just the sounds. I`ll focus on german and hebrew for at least another year or two, and then i`ll see what can be gained from that. (The obvious answer is nothing in particular, but we`ll see..... My aunt will probably ask about what i can gain monetarily from it... Luckily my father won`t! I wouldn`t be so critical of the income-related angle if she also could, after having analyzed that aspect, understood or analyzed what other gainful repercussions such a project could have. Alas. sternenspringer is the good stuff! The wors part is that after i`m done with Farnsworth House i`ll need another Lego-set, these things are wonderful diversions when i`m working on the computer!

code

i hate code, i really do. But nevertheless, i just rediscovered codeacademy and had some time to spare whilst gcc went through its checks on my lfs-install (where everything seems to be working, shockingly enough!) (This just in, monkey can reproduce text from book without error! Amazing, innit!) Anyway, all that is lacking now is getting my Hebrew on and we`re cooking with weirdness. NOt that we weren`t already doing that, but alas. Endless Space was a great game, definitely the best 4x space sim i`ve played thus far. I don`t know exactly how stupid the AI is, but i`m eating it on normal in my second game. Fair enough, even though i can`t say i`ve played these games a lot. (Okay, maybe a little lot...) Other than that i`ve quit smoking, again, and am now jogging twice around kyrkjevatnet. The jellyfish have disappeared, so now i can swim as well. Though i noticed that i hadn`t been swimming for over a month when i did yesterday. Fair enough, i`ll be back in regular shape before summer is over, though my upper arm muscles will still languish due to a lack of apparatus-training. Other than that i`ve discovered that i couldn`t care less about cryptography. Secrecy bores me. Another thing which (unfortunately) bores me as well appears to be Noam Chomsky. This comes as a real surprise to me, but hey, I`ll learn to cope with it.... I`m about to finish the series on Capitalism as well, that is nice. Next stop is EU from La Trobe and literature and science from Freiburg. Which i should get at now if i am to finish a lecture before i fall asleep. (I really, really, really need to get better at poking around in my bookmarks, it is quite retarded not to.)

Formality

Had to actually speak english today. That turned out to be more complicated than i remembered it to be. This is, unfortunate and worrying. That is the problem with not having a chance to practice a language regularly i guess. I am somewhat at a loss as to how i shall counter this development, since i am, after all, quite comfortable not being too social over the internet. i know that the internet is supposed to be a marvellous place of varied expressions where it`s always possible to find somebody sympathetic or respectfully confrontational to one`s own view. The problem is that i`m vampiric in regard to not wanting to engage myself with the workings of other peoples discourse without a proper invitation. I`m too formal it seems. Which, knowing my history as i do is both true and quite funny. So, I`ve finished listening to a course on french history. Now don`t ask me what i remember from it. I remember the depiction of the social conditions and the street protests regarding the fight over whether or not to give arms to Republican Spain.

Random.

So. Another stay at the fantastic schoolhouse comes to an end, though not for a few hours yet. It turned out to be more of a vacation than i had really planned, but then, had i planned anything at all? Right now I`m listening to the second release from yet another netlabel called We Are All Ghosts. I was rawn in by their third release, and decided to listen to the rest of them as well. It`s so much easier when there is not upwards of a hundred releases to choose from. The second release is interesting, and the spoken word element is relaxed yet intense. Definitely worthwhile. In the background glibc is running through its test-suite. after some horrid mishap in chapter five of linux from scratch (which i have yet to locate), i had to redo the entire chapter. Which takes time, and is boring as hell (if hell is boring, i guess it is if you`re bore-able...). So hopefully the test will register less errors this time around. If that is not the case i`ll put lfs on hold for a couple of months and then try again. Next stop will then be The Elements of Computing Systems. Which is much trickier than lfs by far, but i always make it slightly further every time i try, so i`m optimistic. Tomorrow i`m going to do something i haven`t done in years. Two laps around the lake in the vincinity of my mothers house. I used to do that a lot in 2008? and i wonder how my performance will be this time around. I might also go for a swim in Kjevikjo, something i haven`t done since last summer. It should be nice. This time i`ve brought proper swimtrunks and glasses, so i`ll be able to spot things underwater (even with my poor eyesight.) Other than that, what`s there to mention? For some reason this blog has been visited over 160 times by somebody behind a russian anonymizing-service. I have NO idea why, but i`m betting on something automated. It`s amusing to have such usage statistics at my fingertips. Since this is more of a private diary kept with an idea of the continued availability of google for a while i am loath to really think about it having visitors, but hey. We live in public right. The avant-garde of tyrrany indeed! Should i do anything else this summer? I`m triking to Etne at some point. That should be nice. Schoener Gotterfuncken 5 indeed....

Il tempo gigante

So, for the past three days I`ve been locked in front of a computer screen doing a lot of work on Linux From Scratch. It`s been great! I make mistakes over and over again, forget the occasional slash causing me to have to discard a day`s worth of work and other joyous things. All the while I`ve been reading the transcripts of the edge symposium on synthetic biology and talking to my father about whatever comes into our minds at the time. Solid gold! It feels good to work with these things again. It`s funny, i have a tendency to end up on edge.org when i`m here at the schoolhouse. I remember (vaguely) past video lectures of theirs enjoyed in the wee morning a long time ago. I`ve also had a chance to reorganize my book-collection. That has been great. Not only have i had a chance to revisit some of my past forays into the world of fiction and non-fiction, i`ve also had the opportunity to sort all of the scifi i inherited from my ex-uncle into readable and non-readable categories. So i`ve read probably over one hundred scifi-synopsises over the course of the past few days. A great time! Funnily enough Victoria showed up less than an hour after i listened to Marissa Nadler again for the first time in six to eight months... Intriguing! Tired now. Very tired. I`ve been running on three beers and nicotine for the last four hours. Far from ideal, i know, but quite entertaining!

Sequence and structure

Just had to remember that.

Strange.

So. Right now i`m sitting outdoors aboard the ferry. THe sun is shining and i`m enjoying the fact that i can sit with my laptop and geek the fuck out. THis reminds me of two/three/four years ago, when i sat on this ferry and read John - Brunners - Squares of tho City. That is a really good south american thriller with a technological bent. Really well written, and enjoyable from end to end. (I think i`vi mritten about it before, but hey, repetition is alteration. Damn, i used to work here. Strange days at sweet valley salmon fishery. Anyway. In my bag i have three books, which i assume I`ll finish pretty soon. The first is George Dyson`s "Darwin Amongst the Machines." I must admit that it was p(r)etty nationalistic reasons which caused me to trigger on that book. Since i have an uncle who formerly plyed his trade in the field of informatics, and who also is an italo-freak, i found the character of Aall Baricelli pretty irresistible. There were some old articles over at edge which i read with great interest, which focused on his work, and i figured this was something i needed to read more about. (As the proper little Stand Alone Complex Lain that i am.... or pretend to be, or whatnot.....) Anyway. It is an interesting tal eof the limits of computational devices and the programming thereof. I just can`t get over the logical hangup involved in treating anything as an independent device. But then again, i`m accustomed to very unscientific beliefs regarding the potential hidden aspects of material reality. That is just my way of being. I could alter that, but why bother. Anyway, one chapter left. Then there is Rudy Ruckers autobiography, which is as cozy as such memoirs get. When it comes to modern science fiction, and just sheer playfulness in literature, Rucker is hard to beat. He`s also in possession of a thouroughly optimistic bent in his literature. Realistic about the adversaries one can be expected to face in such imaginary worlds, hardly sugarcoating some of the horrors of th eworld, yet creating a vision of hope and joviality. (Which has caused me to give him the title of "My personal Dr. Opir. Now pass me one of those slugs, cuz i gotta get hiiiigh!) His biography is a good read, though i do notice i`m a far away from home in his land. Not that i feel it matters (though it probably does...). The third book is Matthew Josephson`s "The Robber Barons". Also something i`ve mentioned here before... It`s a book I`ve been reading for ages. It`s nice to see that Josephson is still being mentioned, though that was for his "Politicos" work, which is viewed as more immediately relevant to current political systems. Though "The Robber Barons" paints a thorough picture of the corrupt interrelations between ostensibly private and ostensibly public structures. Anyway, this ferryride is almost over, so i should wrap up. Oh, I`ve also brought Dave Sim`s "High Society". After having read my way through the entire Cerebus-saga up to the first "Form and Void"-book I`ve decided that some other people should get to enjoy this incredible exploration of the capacities of comics as a medium. So, the story as such is more immediately recognizable to me than to dad, since i have, after all, lived the high life at the Regency Hotel for the past five years, but I`m sure he can relate. At least to a certain extent. This calls for a certain celebration. Namely some Ibogaine. Mostly just to stop the nicotine-cravings for a couple of days. Since i need to quit smoking again if we are to get anything done this summer. I`ve only got a month, and i want some results to show at the end of it. Ever since the Nattjazz I`ve been on a bender. Though I have been at work most of the time, so that`s all right. Time to step it up. Unfortunately it`ll start to rain soon. Let`s hope that the weather brightens when Henriette and Geir shows up, that would have been ideal. Time to go. G out!

So, i`ve decided to take my work back underground. To keep it from falling into the wrong hands. I think I`ve started a blog post like that before, but hey, it still seems relevant occasionally. It`s time to travel south. Head out to Tysnes and see if i can have an entertaining and useful summer. So far it seems as it will involve some redecoration, perhaps some gardening, and some entertaining excursions. The problem is to get all the equipment i need out to the island. I could probably take it on my bike if the weather is all right. Though i do sort of cringe at the thought of transporting my computer and a 23" screen on a bike hanger. It would be kind of cool to do so though. Things to do in July : Go for a camping trip in the Tysnes mountains. Swim, in the lake at Reksteren and in Kjevikjo. Do Yoga and the ping-pong-exercise-thing i`ve thought up. Reboot lfs and tecs. (AGAIN!!!.....) Standardize diet and day-night cycle. (It`s been a rough one and a half months...) Go kayaking and biking with Henriette and Geir. Write daily reports. (I forgot my dictaphone.... DOH!) Travel in the mountains a lot. Go for long walks in the rain! Play velleyball and ping-pong. Work out @ fysikalske. Play some games. (Day Z, Driver, DDO, LOTRO, CKII, etc...) Do drugs, yay! Many other things can be tacked onto this, but this is a sketch that shows the general direction (in theory... we`ll see about implementation, as always.) This should be great fun for all parties involved, unless i manage to turn myself into a raving alcoholic lunatic, something i often seem to accomplish with the help of friends and family.... No great surprise there, i guess. Gerhard out.

Lapham.

Happy days, new David Lapham comic released just a couple of days ago! And now for the ardous task of bringing a copy over to norwegian shore. I feel more unharmable already! It will be fun, and not as grisly as Crossed:Psychopath was. (Though i never know....) Holy bell hell. I just spent the entire night awake. That is not good, considering the fact that i need to be back in a regular day/night cycle by monday. It was pretty entertaining though, I`ll grant it that. Two nice Headphone Commute mixes. Yay! 10 000 points in Eterna. Happy days. G out.

Happyspace

So, I`m back in happyspace, let me tell you of my wondrous existence. Everything functions as good as it can be expected to considering the amount of effort which has been invested in it so far, and isn`t that great?! As you might be aware i have an amazing dietary regimen when it functions, which i am now happy to say it once again does! I`m really hoping I`ll be able to jumpstart out of bed tomorrow at seven, since i need the weekend to restart my proper day/night cycle before next weeks labour. Breakfast is prepared, and consists, as always, of Rapunzel Müsli, with Gojiberries lightly sprinkled on top, a shredded apple, all of which is soaked overnight in carrotjuice and then mixed with exactly 150 grammes of greek yoghurt. The...perfect....breakfast. It`s simple as that. The only slight hiccup i might encounter tomorrow is that we may not have grapefruitjuice, but i think i saw some fresh grapefruits on a shelf upstairs, so i might be able to rescue that situation as well! Over the course of the day I have been playing around in Spacechem and ETERNA whilst listening to tonAtom releases from yesteryear. I`ve also finished off another Blackest Ever Black mixtape. This was less heroin-infused then the previous one, and on the whole not as intense. That is okay though, it is impressive collectors work nonetheless. Todays poem, a feature i hope to make a regular in my life from now on, and which the "Random Poem" function at poetryfoundation.org satisfies nicely, was Mark Vinz - Cautionary Tales. I found it a nice take on perceptions of danger, and found it necessery for it to exist, though it was slightly too straightforward to really cause my brain to be swirled around properly. And there i finished a starter-session of really poorly executed yoga-moves. Yay, i have to keep doing that. The porn afterwards was kinda meh, but that was just because i couldn`t be bothered to look for anything more ekciting. I also found the time for two more stasis records releases, both of which were nice and smooth. Now all i really need is a new Headphone Commute to sleep to and then i`d be golden. But i can probably settle for some german newscast. Happy days are here to stay (for a while....(also known as until i recklessly drive my body into another intoxicated excess and need to recouperate...(which hopefully won`t be anytime soon, all depending upon how restrained/selfish i manage to be!))) Hugs and kisses! Yay style. (Me? Overdoing it? Nevaaaaah!)

SpaceChem

So, SpaceChem is infuriatingly entertaining, at least during the short spans of time when my brain actually works. It is entertaining to work within constraints such as that game presents, and there is luckily no time limit for completion. I detest those. (Should be apparent, considering how long it takes me to get even basic tasks done, to do them on a time limit would be incredibly annoying! My brain is still bordering between apathetic and wobbly, with trace amounts of structured lucidity. Forecast : Generally positive, i`m assuming an early bedtime and plenty of exercise-surplus tomorrow. If nothing goes completely haywire, that is. I`ve been slightly indulgent on the caffeine-front today, but that was a necessity to present an active being in todays family event. No real worries, and i view it as unlikely that i`ll bother with caffeine tomorrow as well. The rest of the day will be spent doing 30/10, what the 30 will contain is a little hodge-podge, but i`ll think of something. There is a million things i need to do, but i view it as likely that i`ll sauce my brain into some ETERNA, some SpaceChem, some nice mixtapes, some ping-pong-juggling, some yoga, some searching for interesting netlabels, maybe some easy writing about the same old nothing as ever. Who knows. I should also read a bit, i have some books i would like finishing. We`ll see.

ZAmbia

SO, in order to distract myself i`ve been reading about the economy of zambia as seen in 1986. Yeah well, debt laden countries under the yoke of loans surprisingly given to them regardless of economic outlook. What else is new? Granted, copper-price predictions might not be the easiest feat to pull off, i`ll grant the lenders that. though to the degree that there were contending interpretations on the long term price development at that time i would`ve found it amusing to be informed of the view which apparently not held sway in whichever lending institutions provided said loans. Talk abaut useless ways to distract myself, eh....

Tech.

Boy meets the wonderful world of continous wireless connectivity at passable speeds. More in our next newscast. But yeah, this is pretty great, and i`ve got an ok signal through my entire ferry-ride. Now if only i had access to all of my movement-data, then everything would be swell. Get up, get up get out. get into it get outta here

Nationalism

So, today it`s nationalism day! Yippeee!! Or not. I`m not particularly enthusiastic about these kind of self-same-celebrations, and i won`t be for a while yet. It might change, but i don`t know when. The point being that i never really grew up physically present in all of this. Now a celebration of literature or the internet, now that`s a celebration i might actually be enthusiastic about, though i`d be hard pressed to be an active participant then as well. So, all i have to do is remember to smile. That should be easy.

Literature.

Literature is seldom entertaining to me nowadays. This is something i am saddened by, but the fact is that few stories manage to intrigue and entertain me any longer. A very sad turn of events. There are, luckily, certain exceptions to this state of affair, which i will now try to elaborate upon for a litttle while. It is really rather simple, and i have mentioned it before, but John Dos Passos` USA trilogy, (or the two and a half parts i managed to get through then), made quite an impression upon me about a decade ago. I do unfortunately now find it necessary to classify it as a lurid form of social pornography, but these stories contain something that causes me to still tolerate reading them. Perhaps it is just a matter of familiarity, that would be a perfectly adequate explanation for why they still retain their appeal. And that makes me even sadder, having to take into account that it is just my own sense of familiarity that causes me to still tolerate something which so easily can be considered standard fare social pornography. Wow, it surely is difficult for me to dare to be in any way positive oer anything in my life. I`ve really had that capacity mentally kicked out of me over the past seven years. But back to Dos Passos. I don`t really dare to laud it now that i have the familiarity/social pornography overlay/interpretation ready at hand, i`m also rather used to having everything i`ve found likeable destroyed before my very eyes, or more accuaretly, my very expression. So yeah, sucks. Not daring to laud something because i`m too locked in assessing potential negatively constructed counter-arguments to my reasons for enjoyment of something. What to do then? It is a very locked, and very destructive assessment-system i am in possession of, that is certain, and i loath using it to assess something which isn`t "mine", but sharpening it as i do on what is mine makes it impossible for it not to seep into my assessment of others. And vice versa, for that matter, and i can definitely see that it has been a mutually destructive venture of my internal and external assessment-structures. BAck to Dos Passos, anyways. It is interesting, i`ve also tried re-reading Borges not too long ago, but i do not manage to become engage in what he writes to the extent i am engaged in the goings on in the pages of USA. This is of course to a certain extent dependent upon the differnt structures i am dealing with. But i have found short stories that i considered to be quite good. Unfortunately they were Bashevis Singer short stories, and last i looked they weren`t exactly constructed to keep a being from delving into a deep assessive melancholia. I could be wrong about that, of course, but i see no way to alter that wrong through my own doing. So anyway, i should be able to turn this areund to an actual statement about what i like. It is actually really, really difficult for me to do so, horribly enough. It gives a nice image of people caught up in the workings of their own and other peoples ups and downs, i might say. And the small tidbits presenting the great characters of the early industrial revolution are really interesting, and not too fawning. I find this really difficult. Suffice to say i really like re-reading Dos Passos. And it will feel great to finally finish book three of USA.

Posting

Oh great. So google has decided to upgrade the design for this as well. SO MUCH WHITE! Augh. Can`t say I`m thrilled. But maybe i`m just grumpy today. There are certain reasons to belive that. Anyway, Catastroika was a nice documentary, for those times when i really need to hit myself over the head with something depressing which is not technically related to something i have done. Which at times feels good. Who am i kidding, it feels good all of the time. Anything that involves focusingng on the woes and wrongs of others keep me at least somewhat above the point of drowning. Hey, my english is rapidly deteriorating here, not good. Okay, this new design wasn`t that bad. Liveable. So what to do then, i don`t know, go to town, go to the gym on friday, sleep away saturday and sunday as much as possible. Go to work on monday-friday and hope that turns out all right. Hit the town with family and friends next weekend. Hackbergen next tuesday. Roleplaying next wednesday. Concert next friday. Concert next saturday? Concert next sunday? Work the week after that. I`ll be really really broke for the next two weeks, but that is survivable, and deserved, considering how lazy i`ve been lately. Snap out of lazyness, go to gym, eat and drink right, do everything i should`ve done aeons ago but continually fail to. Keep the focus, remain clear. Re-establish enthusiasm for explorations of the ways and the works of humanity, that would be remarkable. And i probably will. Though it is difficult to juggle everything. Become better at 30/10 again. I need to be stricter with myself when it comes to forcing 30/10 in the afternoon/evening. And preferably the morning before work, but i`m just so horribly disinterested in actually being awake. That is problematic, i really need something that just kicks me up and out in the morning, because to actually be conscious during the day is something i have long lost my desire to. We shall see. Optimism should be functioning again by summer, hopefully.

Dreamy

So, I`m hiding in dreams again. It is kind of sad, and way too awesome for my own good. It`s nice to experience the weird synthetic experiences my brain is capable of creating.
Other than that i`ve pretty much spent my time with swiss radio and reddit-pasv-mode. Talk about self-neglect, huh.
It is pretty scary, and i`m just going to have to rein myself in a little bit. I have no surplus energy after another round of social drinking, and it`s really starting to annoy me that i do this to myself again and again. It temporarily ruins everything, and whilst i usually recouperate after too many days there is a marked decrease in capacity for way too long afterwards. And i am now twenty-eight and need as much of my capacity for as long as possible to retain anything resembling competitive capacity.

But I`m getting better, again. So i should probably be operational again by monday. And it seems like a nice week at work with lot`s of outdoor activity and nice weather. I REALLY HAVE TO STOP ACTING AS IF MY JOB IS SOME KIND OF BUNGEE JUMPING EVENT. I need to find something else to scare myself with before i blow it all, again. Drugs are the obvious answer here, but they stopped being scary as well a good while ago, now they`re bordering between interesting and annoying. I have experienced genuinely scary stuff whilst on, or due to the after effects of drugs before, but that seldom happens nowadays. Something i am by all means happy for, but there is just no nerve to existence these days. Not on the personal scale anyhow, definitely on the socio-economic scale, but that is as usual faraway and not something i feel particularly interested in.

I really do love using this as my own personal self-defamation platform.

Okay. Enough with the silliness. Let`s assess this in a somewhat sensible manner. The point being, i know what i need to do, and i`d hate to tarry any longer. I also know how slow i have to proceed in order to get this to work. Which is pretty slow indeed.

Wow, eating made me grumpy again. SO the basic desire here seems to just have people go away for a while. Which by all means can be accomplished quite easily.
THERE IS NO REAL NEED TO.

Institutionalized theft sucks, has always sucked, and will continue to suck for the rest of human existence in one form or another.

Just thought i should point that out.

This of course implies that there is such a thing as not-theft ever occuring in nature. I`ll leave that to theorists to prove the ins and outs of. Though there is the exchange. Which always takes and always gives. Though exactly what can be difficult to define at times. What to do then. I can`t not bother myself with this, that is an impossibility, but this is a crude and ineffectual form of bothering myself. Any ideas?

Quarterly

So, basic list of demands for an agreeable life.

A bed is nice, preferably one which has a width of at least 120cm. Other than that i only need one room, which can be a combination bedroom/everything else. I could also survive with using said room as a kitchen, though that would require a more thorough approach to my daily organization. (Which i am capable of manifesting.)
I really do want to create a minimal/optimal diet requiring the minimal amount of weekly upkeep. This would be benificial on both a consumptive and a self-constructive level. The less equipment i need to maintain said diet the better, i do not want to have one hundred utensils lying around on the off chance i might desire to make something for which said utensil is required. I`m just not into that kind of life. I CAN be into it, but it has no appeal at present, it might in the future. Not to be horribly unkind to the rest of the world but if this is going to progress somehow it will have to do so in a mostly solitary manner.
So, a bed, a minimal assortment if kitchenries, as few clothes as possible, the optimal arrangement is having them all fit underneath the bed. The most crucial element is the swimming pool though. I`d be hard pressed to let go of the combination swimming pool/sauna, and it would take a really great opportunity for me to consider that less than an absolute demand. Then there is the workspace. Not knowing what i need in such a regard makes it tricky, but basically what we`re looking for i a place where i can mess up repeatedly without any fear of the consequences. There are limits to what i can do without a workshop, and i do not like those limitations. But this necessitates a much larger capital base than today. Which i can get ahold of with few, if some, difficulties.
Unless i`ve fucked up beyond recognition, which i regard as unlikely, i am still in good graces at Top Temp. This makes it easy for me to milk them for 16k a month during most months except perhaps parts of june, july and august. Even then i know that i will be prioritized in some of their kindergardens. So let`s say 8*16 000. Which leaves fuck all, unless i tighten ship and avoid most of my stupid excesses for a more focused approach to accumulation. Which i find an interesting proposition at all times except when i`m very, very depressed. (Which happens, ....occasionally...). This means 128 000. 60 000 straight out in ordinary living expenses. Which means we will have to work on a collective level vis a vis workshop, since i can hardly afford more than 1000 a month for that, if even that. 6000 goes to the gym/tan operation. Which is fair enough. 2400 goes to my phone bill. 4800 for a years worth of bread. Sardines for a year comes to 4000. 4500 for 300 days of Rapunzel. I grew tired of this now.

That is not surprising, since i just finished Inclinations Quarterly Report. Which explains?!... the tone my writing took above.
It is, indeed curious how music moves us hither and tither without our conscious acknowledgment. It makes me want to wave a finger in a lot of fools faces though, it really does. But we can pretty much predict that there is approximately 15000 more needed to stabilize my diet on what i consider the bare necessities. That is doable, though it leaves little in the way of other entertainments. Which it bloody well should. ANd which i am okay with. Anything that furthers the two holy grails of energy and focus is okay with me, and i think i know how to accomplish that within my meagre means. The worst that can happen is that i have to fine tune some variables. I can probably differ in workweek and weekend diet i guess.

What this does add up to though is the realization, which i have known of for a while, but which i have yet to manage living by, of NO ALCOHOL UNLESS SOMEBODY ELSE IS PAYING. And even then, i DO NOT have the time to spend more of my days off in a post-intoxicated state of passivity. It just won`t do... Unfortunately. Also, i need the energy, so cigarettes needs to be avoided at pretty much all costs.

Walking around as a living failure sure takes its toll. It is not fun, definitely. And i am very, very tired of it. I am also very very tired of not-failures, under whichever scheme they have devised for defining themselves as such, pushing me around. So buzz the fuck off, i have things to do and need to be left alone to focus sufficently on them.

Lots of things, actually, it`s just that my reboot-time is so godawfully long. If that weren`t the case this would have proceeded to the general merriment of at least me personally. (If only the idiots would stop asking what it was FOR, and if it could be PROFITABLE. Dear god, seriously, are those the first things that cross your minds? What a wretched outlook to the marvels of the world that is.)

Go shorty.

No actually, I`m quite tall. But anyway, I`ve miraculously survived 28 years of existence on planet earth. Strange place to be, i`ll tell you that much.

Unfortunately, apathy regarding coherent expression still rules many of my days. That is what happens when too much of ones structure becomes open to critique. I will probably manage, but it is sad not to be able to formulate ideas and understandings in a manner which makes me comfortable with seeing them written down.
Yeah well, ,hat to do. Still something of a scaredy-cat, no?
The remedy is..... Canibus & Keith Murray. (Actually.....)
So let`s start frontin straight away. Twenty eight should be the strangest yet. The question is, how to further stabilize this structure? I`m tired of all the breakdowns. It is, for most purposes quite easy, stay out of everybodys way. No seriously, kind of tired of always being dragged out by people when i know what kind of a debilitating, long-term effect it has on me. What to do, I`m starting to hate not feeling allowed to act impolite towards people, so i should probably just ram through my own desires and hurt peoples feelings. Seriously.

So, sa the success kid i aim to be i do a lot of things nowadays. Unfortunately, they are mostly consumptive and lacking any purpose out over the consumptive/explorative. This is not something i am happy with, but i have been pretty much beaten into not uttering anything resembling ambition in any situation, whether mental or social. This is problematic, especially considering that what i do take pride and joy in is laughed at and considered irrelevant by everybody. And if their desire is to turn me into an amourphous passive blob without any form of opinion or desire then by god they`re close to succeeding. But of course not, they just want me to conform, you know. Like in a socially productive society-subservient self-destructive manner. And if they have to destroy me in order to prove that their way is the only/best then they will pretty much do so, considering their status as already structurally associated organisms. Great, fucking, life.
Oh well, they are nice, most of the time. Or, at least, materially gainful and occasionally good company. But hey, by all means, if they want to impose their belief in life as just THAT, then i`m rescinding my membership in the whole scherade.

But i won`t do that, as long as get to do what i need to do, which i no longer dare formulate, due to previous times severe beatings. Fair enough. What to do then. With a deconstructed mind such as this? Not too much, sit and watch the sun rise and set. And otherwise let them believe that accumulation in the traditional sense is important. Funny how needs can be manufactured, don`t you think?

So. Quite bitter today, i must say that i rather enjoy the feeling. Bordering on angry actually.

I`ll be happy little me again pretty soon, what i`ll use that for is anybody`s guess. To the extent that i even want to use it for something.

Regain.

FEeling better. Head working again, not depressed. Always entertaining when that happens. Now back to work.

Rebreather.

Rebreather.

Flow, temporary feeling of the fuselage.
Decohering, and comfortable.


Focus, none.
Capacity for focus, unknown.
Capacity, positive outlook.

Trending.
Outrun,
interweave,
slingshot.

"Stall."

Thoughts.

"Ok, time to find the program."
"Time to forego the program."
"Is there a program?"
"Not really."
"Then what is the point here."
"To find a concept"
"Which concept."
"Probably an arbitrary one."
"Yeah, hardly anything built on universal truths, that`s to be sure."
"Yeah well, what are those for anyways, besides mechanics?"
"Mechanics are important."
"Besides the point."
"THere wasn`t a point here."
"True that."
"What to do, this is like being in a vortex."
"Trying to hit the drain, or trying to stay in the vortex?"
"Ambiguous upon the topic."
"Of what use?"
"The use of the experience of the vortex."
"That is of use."
"Glad we could agree on that."
"Am i currently spinning in or out of control?"
"Well, viewed from the truth that up untill now you were not proven to be spinning, i`d say into control."
"But that is also like saying that being temporarily drawn into the orbit of Jupiter will keep you there. It might, it might not."
"True, and the orbit of Jupiter might not be the best place you manage to perceive from the orbit of Jupiter either."
"So, best not to know where this might go as to better believe it possible for it to go somewhere?"
"In a certain sense, yes."
"Which certain sense?"
"The certain sense of me not knowing whether it`s a viable strategy but being willing to relate to it not having a better option myself."

Speed up.

"So speed it up a notch, what`s accomplishable here?"
"Well i need to recondition in a 30/10, that`s very important. Other than that, we have a steadily rising compsci install, yos i know its taking forever and i don`t, fucking, care. It`s mine, period. Other than that we have the gym, we have a steady stream of alternate music. We have some light work and other kinds of light work. Nothing immediatetly satisfactory, but potentially gainful in a long term sense and ok for capital gains short term."
"So, that`s pretty vague..."
"Yeah well, i hate my specifics right now, because they`re shite, that`s why i`m being vague. And at least i`m particular about them being shite, rite?!"
"Sensible enough, and partly true."
"Yup, partly true in the socioeconomic interpretation that`s enforced as hegemonical."
"WEll fuck that illusion."
"Exactly, i totally tried, and there are vague hints it still may work, but they`re vague, and difficult to derive any form of social capitaL FROM."
"yOU`RE NOT LOOKING!"
"True, i always was crap at the social part."
"Yeah on a certain level you totally still are."
"Fuck the concept of being imposing right."
"Yeah, we had to condition you pretty hard to come within even a mile of you not worrying about that all of the time."
"And then having everything completely backfire on me the few times i lost said social inhibitions."
"Yeah well, not being trained, successful and competent in interpreting such matters, as you had the decisive misfortune of being, sure is disadvantageous on the few occasions you manage not to be."
"Yup, at those timse you pretty much just learn that the counter is even more self destructive and give up trying altogether."
"Yeah, what fun times..."
"What fun times indeed."
"Not fun times."
"Correct, dreadful times."

SO, anyway. Something more jolly. Cut Records, nice bandcamp-based ambient."
"Yeah, really nice."

Despair.

"So, tired of crashing yourself yet?"
"Yes, by and large, enough to get to a doctor this time."
"Well that ain`t half bad, could`ve been worse as well, you know, could`ve blown worse things than a couble of thousand on drinking."
"Yes, i guess, but it`s really becoming strenous to be thinking about my situation now."
"So don`t!"
"Yeah go figure, i like that solution, but i`m quite inept at implementing it."

"Other than that smooth sailing right?"
"Yeah well, there`s a limit to how many detoxes i can run through, but we`re back at the gym tomorrow, we`re writing a bit, and we`ve done a marathon cleaning and lecture-listening session today."
"Should`ve been at that meeting, though."
"Yeah, but they`ll let me live."
"Other than that post/pre-sleep psychosis is back in style, and my brain has the practice needed to be quite the contender."
"Yeah, why train it to be still when you could train it to be hyperactive?"
"Besides the obvious problems of maintaining defined structures in the face of incredible mental ...."
"yeah, besides those. WEll besides those problems there aren`t many things to be said, those problems are nice and entertaining and potentially very gainful somewhat dependent upon what you allew to constitute a hindrance in your life."
"You know i define pretty much everything ashindrances and nothing as graspable opportunities, right?"
"Yes, it has been noticed. But as a system with a propensity for the construction and the analysis of personal negative maximals then you ain`t half bad."
"I doubt that, pretty much rubbish at that as well."
"Take joy in the little things. Your Dvorak is pretty fast by now!"
"Yeah, who`d a thunk it, regular exercise, right."
"Regular exercise, boyo, and slow, slow steps. And more patience than most microtransaction-algorithms could possibly possess."
"Yeah, aren`t we glad we`re not in it for the short term?"
"We are, but it wouldn`t fucking hurt to have a viable strategy for the long term either, regardless of how self-satisfied we are with our belief in our own noble shying away from short term profit."
"So, viable strategy for the long term."
"You`re not gonna do one now are you?"
"Nope, haven`t got one, what do you expect?"

Attempt #2

"So, you might as well get abck to the internally presented two-player conversation."
"Yeah i guess i can, read a piece just now presenting imaginary letters. Or, that is, the letters weren`t imaginary, but the beings behind them were. It was quite the hightailing romp through literature and the natural history museum."

"But it bored you enough not to read it all..."
"Of course, i can enjoy the life stories of writers, but its more difficult to enjoy imaginary conversations about literature. Though it must have been very gainful to write it. And apparently presumably fake, yet cherished, museum artifacts is some sort of literary trend, first my father and now this work ot The Orphan."

"Yeah, you do happen to like those similarities, don`t you?"
"Yes, it is quite the fascination of mine. Perception, reality. It is odd though, won`t you say. I started writing in the form of two imaginary conversating pieces of me yesterday. Today i discover the work of somebody published somewhere on the internet i`ve never heard of before, (though we have been observing some of the salme literary circles, albeit in different manners), which is also an example of the same literary style. Namely the shaping of, in my instance, imaginary conversations, and in his case, imaginary letters."

"But neither are imaginary, they`re quite real. They pertain more to the necessity of structural representation of an experience the writer wants to convey than to the reality of a conversation it purports to be when viewed as a stand alone piece."
"And that is the problem, is t, when it comes to that form of literature. Are you supposed to present it to an audience which is in on the con of it being forged letters, or do you present them without making the con obvious?"
"Well, if it is published as literature then you have little choice in the matter..."
"I think you are using the term literature wrong now...."
"So was i worrying. The point being, a particular form of conscious relation to a work of literature is lost when it is presented as a work of literature."
"What else can it be represented as?"
"As an authentic exchange of letters, not an imagined one at the part of the author."
"That authentic exchange would also be literature, which after all means the art of written work...."
"You just read some more about it and discovered that you were more unsure than you previously thought, didn`t you?"

"Yes indeed, suffice to say there are some glaring holes in my knowledge of the exact meaning of terms."
"Join the crowd."
"But then, there`s the textbook definition and then there is the probability of any one person adhering to the textbook definition."
"Nice rowing you`re doing there!"
"Yeah, it`s passable. But the point that was to be made here. Can we go back to probabilities and parallels, those fascinate me more."
"Yet you know next to nothing factual about them and spend all your time wallowing in your experiential relation to these phenomena. Which, on the whole, and to your credit, hasn`t been developed as shoddily as one might think. But that`s besides the point. The pont here is that to get probabilities and parallels to make sense you need to fuse your current experiential understanding with a rigorous mechanical one."
"And what do i do when the mechanical explanation fails to present a coherent understanding of the present and potential capacities of physical reality? It tends to leave me, somewhat disamused by the entire process."
"Then you grow up and work with what you have."
"Point, what do i have then?"
"A very vague, and ever shifting, assessment of what constitutes the aspects of probabilities and parallels which i find intriguing. And a slight difficulty of finding an overlapping exposition of the nature of the phenomena with which i am fascinated."
"You really don`t use language a lot in day to day settings, do you?"
"Well, at least this conversation has gaused me to get Strogatz` Sync off the shelf again. It`s been a while."
"Oh god, you`re probably going to overwhelm me with silly nuggets relating to what you find fascinating in that book now, aren`t you. Well, i can`t help but say that i fancy the idea."
"Yeah, me and the big ideas and understandings of the natural world stumble ever forward. I should at least try."

Attempt #1

"So, you really do think that you have some sort of very weird yet important take on the world, even though you can`t express it, don`t you?!"
"Well yes, to the extent that something is important; which i often doubt (unfortunately). It isn`t that i hold myself up as particularly important, and whomever hears my usage of the world would define my usage of it wrongly anyway!"

"Ah, yes, the wonderful ambiguity of words, and people`s reflexive interpretations based on their own conceptual frameworks, didn`t take you long to lament that fact about human interactions. So now what? You give up on expressions again?"
"I could, but that wouldn`t be sporting of me, now would it? And we wouldn`t want to NOT be sporting. Good heavens no!
The point being. Ah, yes, importance. Writing about what is meant by importance is important"

"oh goodness no. ANOTHER meta-layer to play with? This is going to take ages isn`t it?"
"Probably, do you want me to condense 27 years of life into little nuggets of expression, or do you want me to get at something of importance?"

"Little nuggets of expression can at times be gruesomely important!"
"Why yes, on that we agree. And that puts us back on track. So what is important? We should probably define something then?"

"Let us."
"Ok. The basic system we have here, is to the best of my knowledge adding ever new capacities to itself, right?"

"I`ll play along. Okay. It can be said, by me, that the universe, as best as we can observe its journey through time, has been far less VISIBLY complex than we take it as now being."
"Yeah, not that our capacity for seeing has played tricks on us in the past or anything! But the point is. The universe did at one time not contain the observing entity known as the human being. So what i`m saying is YAY congrats universe, you`ve made something that wasn`t there before!"

"And the point being?"
"Well, are we talking about inherent, and manifestable complexity, or inherent expansive capacity?"

"I have no idea what you just said means..."
"OK, i`ll try again. Is the blueprint there beforehand, or does the blueprint get made as the universe progresses to time."

"time.... is an illusion!"
"who said that?"
"Best to pay whomever said that no heed!"
"Indeed, let`s, for now, until we can prove him right, which would be fun."
"Yeah, then we can travel back in time and have sex with Julie Christie!"
"YOU ARE DIGRESSING"
"Yeah, sorry about that, but, mmmmmmm Julie Christie....."
"Point."

"back to the blueprint, please!"
"Yeah. It`s pretty important. Which parts of the blueprint can have "aspects" added to itself over time, and which parts can`t?"

"Isn`t the entire universe the blueprint?"
"Well yes, but then we get to stare into the wonderful question of what the universe is a blueprint of."

"a blueprint of a system that can add "aspects" to itself over time based on something"
"Yeah, nice of it to just exist, isn`t it? Totally neat i`d say. But there is the nagging question which i really like to get at, albeit poorly. That is the question of WHAT this system is capable of "adding to itself/expanding itself to""
"You could`ve written "expanding itself into" but that would have been too funny. Since it would, in many ways mean that it expands itself into something that is there for it to expand itself into, like a house"
"Yup, those are the qualities that makes me occasionally hate language"

"But you were talking about importance..."
"Yes, and in that we should probably elaborate further on the difference between "objectively important to the further expansion/survival of the expanding universe" and "important to me as an individual""

"Erm, so that is your lens for this?"
"Yes, there are a lot of importances in between. But let`s agree that without this universe we`d be left with exactly nothing."

"Seems reasonable to assume that, yes."
"And without me, i`d be left with exactly nothing."

"In so far as you cherish the notion of the concept of you that your current mortal body affords you, then yes."
"The what?"

"You know what i mean. The body, and its sensory apparatus is limited. It`s capacity for comprehension of the mechanics of the system it is, and it is in is limited."
"Yes, but i do still not know what you mean...."

"I mean that you are in possession of an idea of your consciousness which to all extents is the best that we have to -rationally- offer. Your being is your body (including brain, etc), and its interactions with the "outside" of your body. Now at many levels of the mechanics of reality the illusory seperation of your body from the material reality it inhabits breaks down completely."
"Yes, but still, to be able to so vividly imagine this separation from the rest of the material world is quite something, isn`t it?"

"It is, but the point is. When does that construct start and stop to be illusory?"
"When I want it to!"

"I think you might have hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately, you didn`t do it with a hammer..."
"But when does it stop being illusory?"

"I have, honestly, no idea, so your concept of "when i want it to" is as good as any, since you`ll be forced to lie abaut it anyways. (Probably)"
"We`re really not going to have much chance of landing ourself a gig as a philosopher-king with this one, are we?"
"No, but as you can see, pretending to be a conversation between two individuals has been pretty fruitful so far. Where do you want to stop? Maybe this conversation needs an illusory third party"
"Do i get to control when to engage these "illusory" third/first-parties?"
"Hahahahahaha. That brings back memories, deosn`t it..!"

"Se yes, the illusion of the individual is quite useful. And in many ways not an illusion. Presenting yourself with the illusion of two individuals is also useful. And then it becomes a matter of figuring out which illusions are useful to who."
"Which brings back the necessary first point about useful to the continued existence of a creating material reality"

"Yep, it is a useful way of looking at it. Besides, it`s an over-arching view of reality which you can liberally sprinkle with dead bodies and still feel good about it."
"That should`ve been unmentioned..."
"All i`m saying is that if you REALLY want a dogma that allows you to disregard the sanctity of absolutely everything then it is a dogma that contains the belief in deing work to ensure the continued survival of the capacity for creation in reality itself."
"Yeah. It makes good vs evil seem somewhat childish, i`ll grant you that."

"Back to what`s important."
"Yeah, i was distracted. We`ve established the existence of a universe containing the capacity for creation as of ultimate importance. Whether the maintenance of this capacity happens to expansion or contraction is of secondary importance, nad a comfortably creepy exploration in its own right, but i do not want to discuss that now. On the other hand we have the consciousness, or being, which currently inhabit the physical body of which i am, right now, at least the renter of."
"Yeah, it`ll totally try to kick you out if you don`t maintain it proporly or pay rent!"
"That wasn`t what i meant. I was trying to figure out absolutely everything which has to do with a factual relation to the workings of our brain and body as part of a greater system known to us as reality. And i still lack some of the basic tools in that line of inquiry."
"Which makes your failures all the more charming, no doubt."
"Unfortunately, yes doubt. But hey. Lets see here."

"On a certain level, the concept of individual breaks down completely. Actually, on very many levels. How should i relate to that?"
"Most poeple seem very comfortable not doing so, very often quite successfully as well."
"Oh great, are we going to fall down to the level of slanderous remarks about people we don`t know? In which case i`m inclined not to bother."
"Ok, it annoyed me too. Some people probably do, but the point should rather be that i haven`t the faintest clue as to how other human beings structure up their being/consciousness/structure. And i`v been wrung around enough weird happenings te knew there to be a near infinite supply of being-altering experiences."
"An infinite supply i think, but always bounded to the current point in time. So if you view it with time then it becomes as infinite as time, but at any one point in time it is finite."
"Unless time is an illusion!"
"There`s that guy again, who IS that?"
"I don`t know, but we end up next to him in time a lot, he seems to have fun."

"But how should i relate to the breakdown of the individual on so many levels of reality?"
"It`s your world, i don`t know."
"But that`s the point, it isn`t my world. It is "my" sensory apparatus and its attempt to interpret the myriad of signals existing in the structures of material reality. That hardly makes it my world. It makes it a world."
"Ok, so it`s your interpretation of a world."
"It`not even that, its an interpretation of a world. Loosely based on a myriad of experiences and expressions. To say its "mine" because i happen to hav all of these interpretations in my possession isn`t particularly true to me."
"You really want to get to the bottom of how his works, don`t you."
"Yes, and i`m way too lazy to actually build the tools required to get better at doing so, leading me to wade around here in the shallows. They`re likable shallows though."

"I`ve forgotten where we were. We have found out that our notion of the universe is limited, and that our notion of self is limited."
"And that language is difficult, and most of the time reflexively, rather that truthfully, interpreted."
"Yeah. Sucks to be the universe then, i guess. Not much you can do with things being so higgedy-piggeldy."
"Actually, that`s the groovy part though. The universe isn`t limited to understanding."
"Neither are we, when you look at it like that."
"Neither are we, but i understood that a long time ago."
"Ka-ching."

"So no, the universe isn`t limited to understanding. Understanding occasionally enhances its capacities though."
"Well, yes, interesting point. We`ve pretty much proven that by enhancing its capacities ourselves."
"Yay, go team us!"

February.

I might also mention that february was a tolerable disaster. Dear goodness, wasting all that time on work and such. Time to get to steppin`!

Drugs

So, i guess this would be a bad day to initiate a "Use drugs in sympathy with Henning Warloe"-day.

But i might already have! I even think they`re legal drugs. Go figure!

So, i thought as follows ; i should probably style my expression more along the lines of a dialogue. The thinking behind this is, as usual, bordering on the insane, but that`s par for the course. The point being that i am aware of a lot of weird things, and to a certain degree aware of how little i know of them. Since this is only for my own perusal, (and the occasional poor straggler who shows up), it should be permissible. It`s an attempt to structure something up for my own understandings sake. So it should be done. I would also learn something about self-expression along the way, which would do me good!

Marketwatch.

Soooo. In a stunning, (but in many ways not particularly surprising,) turn i`ve started desiring knowing exactly what these many stock exchanges around the world contain. I think i`ll start with the Norwegian stock exchange and work my way out through Scandinavia as a whole. It shall be enlightening. I shall also have to learn rudely by picking some stocks i like and following their hapless descent at the mercy of whatever trading algorithm whim holds sway at any particular day... Oh well, i can live with that, anything that doesn`t involve me actually assigning blame for inopportune stock selection to myself is a good thing, right?! =)

So, in the "i`m stupid, but learning"-section today we have the case of the Mux. Which i for the life of me couldn`t figure out the last time around. Now i have, mostly because i had no idea that i could use the canonical to find the proper logic gate construction. The DMux is still capable of crashing my brain though... I`ll figure it out somehow.

I`m about to run out of HeadphoneCommute mixes, which is gruesome. Luckily i can start purchasing all the albums said mixes have gathered songs from now, and i have transferred quite successfully to laverna-releases. The question is where to go next. Musictrade is an option, but those releases are, how to put it, dense (and beautiful.)

My lower right back pain is becoming worrisome.

Life etc.

What to report? The tempo is increasing, and i`m comfortable with that. The day/night cycle is well underway to perfection, but i`m still not capable of motivating myself to get up when i awaken in the morning. I still need to run through some snoozing before i can be bothered. I really need to find a fix to that problem. I should be able to get up at six in the morning during the weekends!

Work is progressing smoothly, though i am at risk of being spoilt rotten by my current workplace. They are miles ahead of the other kindergardens i`ve been working for. So what happens when my current assignment ends on the first of march is anybodys guess. Though right after that there is a Kenny Garret concert in Bergen, so i`ll have some fun immediately afterwards.

My dreams are amusing, as always. Norseman Harper, yeah right. So time to start wondering about this years election special! Been a while since the last one! =)

Titular, Arular.

So. Things progress nicely. I am currently flat broke, but my paycheck shows up tomorrow, aftr which i`ll be....flat broke! nICE ISN`T IT! =)

Things of note as of late. Dvorak trending upwards, practicing hitting the ping pong ball whilst not actively looking at it (and knowing when the situation is so out of control that i have to look) trending upwards, listening to lectures (and remembering nary a sentence or concept) trending upwards, excercising trending upwards, work competence trending upwards, surplus energy trending upwards, dietary regimen trending upwards, 30/10 trending upwards, using computer games as therapy trending upwards, etc etc etc. I`m so incredibly optimistic and happy most of the time as to make this all rather odd, considering how used i am to trend downwards (which is sort of a lie, i`m used to trending upwards, but i tend to really tear myself apart after a mild upswing (which i am loath to do this time...)
So, the weekend will contain coop Saints Row sessions, which will be really amusing. With BeatBasement in the background it should be quite the treat, but i do not want to spend more than four or five hours on it, and i think i`ll keep a lecture running on the laptop simultaneously to get a hint of intelligent input along the way.

So, in other news. Project entryism 2012 is a-runnin ahead like a magnitorsk choo choo train. I attended my first meeting at Bergen Arbeidersamfund yesterday and was positively charmed. They`re a cozy bunch. And i lucked out by ending up next to a charming old lady and a former man of the cloth. Both of which ensured that everything went by smoothly and safely. The odd part was having something to do with Simon Selvik on the repeater during/post-meeting, which was quite amusing since when i searched Google for "bergen arbeidersamfund" today i came across the cv of another Selvik which died in 1983 and who had been active in BA. It might also be worth mentioning that Simon founded another reunion-group for the old Vaagen-gang today, which should be an interesting evening. (As long as i get another month to self-perfect in first, vain that i am!) Gotta be the freshness!

So, after having been enticed by a co-worker it seems that i will drag my perky ass to some dancing classes this semester. I don`t think i can blame Dan Klein for that, but it was amusing te see that he gave up martial arts for dancing. Though taking it to a competitive level seems kinda icky, i don`t really see why i would ever do that, even having started earlier...... Whatever, different strokes and all. So, BSI it is (again.) Should be immense fun. And then i`ll desperately try to look cool by sitting outside the dancing hall with the satest issue of Tanz. Yeah right, interesting magazine, by all means, but in the semesters when i don`t dance it`s a ridiculous expense which i hardly look at.

Doctor fuckn Doogie out.

Pogress.

Half part pogrom half part progress, but i digress.

The first real week of work has been finished, and this looks viable out through february. Which means i`ll have 20+k inbound, which is nice considering my very limited expenses. What to use them for is still somewhat up in the air, but i suspect i might hold on to them for a while. (Except of course some of the media services i should support and the software i need.) And if i find some waterproof gear i just HAVE to be in possession of then the notion of saving might go out the window (as i`ve already done myself... Hahahahaha. Defenestration is fun, as long as you aren`t the main actor. But in retrospect i`ll call it a worthwhile experience.)

Yah. So, this week i`ve been practicing some Dvorak, which is nice to gain proficency in (and easy to practice in ten-minute timeslots, which is part of the reason.) I`ve also gotten the full diet and exercise regime back in action, which causes me to feel quite well. Plenty of energy to do what i need to do. The first roleplaying-session of the year was a success judging from the amount of laughter around the table, but i should get into the habit of preparing for at least half an hour before our sessions..... :P
I`ve also managed to squeeze in some "De Nasjonale Strateger", and i have, to my great surprise, decided that i need to improve my note-taking skills, which i will then do throughout the reading of "DNS". It should be fun. And when i`m donewith that i can start reading the biography about Ole Jacob Broch, which will be very interesting indeed.

Other than that my brain is operating in a pretty average fashion, the odd visual alteration here an there under sensorily deprecated circumstances, but otherwise smooth sailing. It is indeed sailing, there are currents, and this should come as a surprise to some of us, which is why it bears pointing out.

Classic Tysnes.

So, last night was classic Tysnes, with chain smoking, continual and strenuous mental "alterations" with the same traditional flow. Seriosly, know how to sail that, and pretty much every part of the procedure before they even start. Granted, some of the impressions are novel, but the underlying attempt at either refining resistance or establishing a state of submission is the same as it ever was. Still strenous though, i`ll grant that, and the feeling of being exposed to the barest bone of my own idiocy is annoying, but not too problamatic, since i am aware of said idiocy, and consider the alternative, passivity, to be an unacceptable solution. And besides, the standard is still to not consider any of it actionable intelligence. (Though i may at times be considered doing such.)
So anyway, I`m going to actually watch a movie today, here`s to the hope that Sucker Punch doesn`t suck.
I actually downloaded iTunes yesterday, and discovered that movies were available in Norway... the horror, though i assume it won`t be too hard to limit myself. Now do me a favour and make the library of movies available as large and as varied as Karagarga and then we`re getting somewhere.
Other than that i discovered that Myka 9 AND Freestyle Fellowship both released albums this year, both of which i`v now bought and put on hold, i still have my kahvi-countdown project to work my way through. and then there is the Access to Arasaka - stuff, but hey, that`s for later.

When it comes to kahvi i`m currently on 097, which has one horrendously poor track and many good ones.

I started the new year with a bang! Also known as Dudley Perkins - Expressions (2012 A.U), it just seemed fitting.

The speed in my Dvorak-writing is improving, rapidly. This is nice, though i am still prone to looking down on the keyboard (whilst writing that line i did it, not surprisingly, all of the time. Dvorak feels really good!

Soooo, i just downloaded a 1.6 GB video in 10-15 minutes. I remember sitting in bed at night in the adjacent room twelve years ago with a 56k modem! Absurd, but eminently predictable....

Anyway, i need to create some twitter accounts and then watch a movie.

G out.
Bathing freshness 2hrs 20 minutes. We`re go!