Dreamy

So, I`m hiding in dreams again. It is kind of sad, and way too awesome for my own good. It`s nice to experience the weird synthetic experiences my brain is capable of creating.
Other than that i`ve pretty much spent my time with swiss radio and reddit-pasv-mode. Talk about self-neglect, huh.
It is pretty scary, and i`m just going to have to rein myself in a little bit. I have no surplus energy after another round of social drinking, and it`s really starting to annoy me that i do this to myself again and again. It temporarily ruins everything, and whilst i usually recouperate after too many days there is a marked decrease in capacity for way too long afterwards. And i am now twenty-eight and need as much of my capacity for as long as possible to retain anything resembling competitive capacity.

But I`m getting better, again. So i should probably be operational again by monday. And it seems like a nice week at work with lot`s of outdoor activity and nice weather. I REALLY HAVE TO STOP ACTING AS IF MY JOB IS SOME KIND OF BUNGEE JUMPING EVENT. I need to find something else to scare myself with before i blow it all, again. Drugs are the obvious answer here, but they stopped being scary as well a good while ago, now they`re bordering between interesting and annoying. I have experienced genuinely scary stuff whilst on, or due to the after effects of drugs before, but that seldom happens nowadays. Something i am by all means happy for, but there is just no nerve to existence these days. Not on the personal scale anyhow, definitely on the socio-economic scale, but that is as usual faraway and not something i feel particularly interested in.

I really do love using this as my own personal self-defamation platform.

Okay. Enough with the silliness. Let`s assess this in a somewhat sensible manner. The point being, i know what i need to do, and i`d hate to tarry any longer. I also know how slow i have to proceed in order to get this to work. Which is pretty slow indeed.

Wow, eating made me grumpy again. SO the basic desire here seems to just have people go away for a while. Which by all means can be accomplished quite easily.
THERE IS NO REAL NEED TO.