Go shorty.

No actually, I`m quite tall. But anyway, I`ve miraculously survived 28 years of existence on planet earth. Strange place to be, i`ll tell you that much.

Unfortunately, apathy regarding coherent expression still rules many of my days. That is what happens when too much of ones structure becomes open to critique. I will probably manage, but it is sad not to be able to formulate ideas and understandings in a manner which makes me comfortable with seeing them written down.
Yeah well, ,hat to do. Still something of a scaredy-cat, no?
The remedy is..... Canibus & Keith Murray. (Actually.....)
So let`s start frontin straight away. Twenty eight should be the strangest yet. The question is, how to further stabilize this structure? I`m tired of all the breakdowns. It is, for most purposes quite easy, stay out of everybodys way. No seriously, kind of tired of always being dragged out by people when i know what kind of a debilitating, long-term effect it has on me. What to do, I`m starting to hate not feeling allowed to act impolite towards people, so i should probably just ram through my own desires and hurt peoples feelings. Seriously.

So, sa the success kid i aim to be i do a lot of things nowadays. Unfortunately, they are mostly consumptive and lacking any purpose out over the consumptive/explorative. This is not something i am happy with, but i have been pretty much beaten into not uttering anything resembling ambition in any situation, whether mental or social. This is problematic, especially considering that what i do take pride and joy in is laughed at and considered irrelevant by everybody. And if their desire is to turn me into an amourphous passive blob without any form of opinion or desire then by god they`re close to succeeding. But of course not, they just want me to conform, you know. Like in a socially productive society-subservient self-destructive manner. And if they have to destroy me in order to prove that their way is the only/best then they will pretty much do so, considering their status as already structurally associated organisms. Great, fucking, life.
Oh well, they are nice, most of the time. Or, at least, materially gainful and occasionally good company. But hey, by all means, if they want to impose their belief in life as just THAT, then i`m rescinding my membership in the whole scherade.

But i won`t do that, as long as get to do what i need to do, which i no longer dare formulate, due to previous times severe beatings. Fair enough. What to do then. With a deconstructed mind such as this? Not too much, sit and watch the sun rise and set. And otherwise let them believe that accumulation in the traditional sense is important. Funny how needs can be manufactured, don`t you think?

So. Quite bitter today, i must say that i rather enjoy the feeling. Bordering on angry actually.

I`ll be happy little me again pretty soon, what i`ll use that for is anybody`s guess. To the extent that i even want to use it for something.