Surfacing

Phew, i was really deconstructed there for a couple of days. The wonders of nicotine-withdrawal and a general lack of accomplishment for a 26 year old manifests themselves in such interesting ways.
Swinging through my more depressed aspects is never fun, yet i am aware of how temporary those sentiments are, so i stay on the path of denigrating expressions and passivity until something in my brain manages to reactivate the neuronal pathways of opportunity and enjoyment.

Which i am now on, YAY!

And i did get to listen to a couple of incredible records whilst sad, so i got something out of it as well.
Elizabeth Shepherd was very nice, so was Electric Wire Hustle. And this compilation is bliss on a disc. Causing me to spend all of yesterday thinking of roses, which is always a good thing.
Especially since Der Rosenkavalier was playing on Mezzo in the evening, something i discovered when i fell right into it. That i`d just spent all day thinking of roses, humming on Georgia Anne Muldrow`s track and wondering how best to present it and a drawn rose to somebody made my experience of Der Rosenkavalier into something very special!
The memory of which i thereafter buried in the sand and took my lamentations to go on a Winterreise. It was the first day of snowfall in Bergen yesterday, so i really wanted to listen to it, which i did before falling asleep.

I thought i`d have to spend yesterday laboring pretty hard in the cellar, so i had cancelled my roleplaying-session. I hope they had fun nonetheless, especially since we ended up just goofing around, baking cookies and going for a long walk past Munkebotn and to Langevatnet. Which was spent talking of family, history, being, ourselves, and the future. Quite enjoyable. Got to watch ice skaters (which i for the first time in my life really felt the need to do!) and met some nice dogs. Hopefully my aunt got some nice pictures as well.

And then i got to read Don De Lillo`s short story in Harper`s! I`m not surprised to find excellent short stories in that magazine. They`ve all been great this year, but De Lillo really managed to play with my outlook on life as a professional storyteller should. It made it apparent that i really need to start reading "End Zone" soon, it`s been on my to-do list since april.

After that there was nothing to do but fall asleep whilst watching massage videos from Hegre Art . Having lived without a sex-life for five years in a situation akin to the hotel room deconstruction part of The Wall teaches a man to compensate. That it has been something of a strain should be obvious. Trying to change the channel from warfare to massages seems like a good plan, no? Oh well, at least i`ll know a little about erotic massages if i ever manage to stumble into an actual sex life. (Cue suppressed agonized shrieks of anguish).

For further reference see this episode of South Park. Or go read Aldous Huxleys "The Genius and the Goddess", It manages to portray the dynamics between vitality and sexuality in a lucid and harrowing way.
That`s what it`s like to be "Alive Alone".

But hey, it`s a bright day with some light snow, so enjoy life and go "Walking In The Winter"

I`m off to Tysnes. Yeahyeahyeah!