Saturday, December 25, 2010
Review
So. I reread the review in Harper`s of "C". In all earnestness, these people do this just as an exercise to see how much praise they can heap onto something without there actually being sufficient reason to do so right? Otherwise i`d have to view that review as being in bad taste in its servile lauding of what is, whilst an enjoyable read, by all accounts not extraordinaire except in occasional paragraphs.
Carrefax
So, that concludes "C" by Tom McCarthy. Now let`s go meditate on connectivity and hope that we manage to connect with the alien pyramid in the himalayas.
Yeah. More or less.
A charming book. Very intelligent in parts. But at times rather banal in its patternings. Banality is probably necessary to portray Serge, that i can understand. But it makes the novel less edgy than it could be. The subject matter, communication and perception, is framed well, and the period through which it is seen is fascinating. But the fragments through which i feel i am conveyed something of importance, something that really gets me to straighten my back and focus, are felt as -parts- of the narrative, not the narrative as a whole. The nuances are at times superb, the characters interesting, the social situations relevant, the world murky, and all fits together well. But occasionally it feels as a "man walks through world, ponders, has sex and dies". Which is okay, i guess. It`s what we all do after all.
But i really enjoyed the chapter on his upbringing in a home of natural science, theatre, experimental attitudes and veiled communication. That part of the book managed to hook me enough on Serge to make me want to finish it, even if the other chapters weren`t up to carrying such a promising introduction.
What i`ll remember is the descriptions of Serge playing with his wireless set at home as a child. McCarthy`s descriptions of the pure joy of listening in on the signals of the world were really beautiful. So is that particular subject matter.
Yeah. More or less.
A charming book. Very intelligent in parts. But at times rather banal in its patternings. Banality is probably necessary to portray Serge, that i can understand. But it makes the novel less edgy than it could be. The subject matter, communication and perception, is framed well, and the period through which it is seen is fascinating. But the fragments through which i feel i am conveyed something of importance, something that really gets me to straighten my back and focus, are felt as -parts- of the narrative, not the narrative as a whole. The nuances are at times superb, the characters interesting, the social situations relevant, the world murky, and all fits together well. But occasionally it feels as a "man walks through world, ponders, has sex and dies". Which is okay, i guess. It`s what we all do after all.
But i really enjoyed the chapter on his upbringing in a home of natural science, theatre, experimental attitudes and veiled communication. That part of the book managed to hook me enough on Serge to make me want to finish it, even if the other chapters weren`t up to carrying such a promising introduction.
What i`ll remember is the descriptions of Serge playing with his wireless set at home as a child. McCarthy`s descriptions of the pure joy of listening in on the signals of the world were really beautiful. So is that particular subject matter.
Gevinst
Så fikk jeg altså første bind av Mark Twain sin selvbiografi til jul. Interessante saker som jeg ennå ikke har klart å bla skikkelig i fordi den er aldeles for uoversiktilig hvis man ikke har to tre timer til overs.
Jeg burde vel ta hintet og gjemme mine skriverier vekk for de neste hundre år jeg også, men jeg tror at jeg kommer til å overse den formaningen enn så lenge. Det vil nok vise seg å være særs lite gagnelig å opprettholde dette uttrykket, men jeg er litt selvpinende av meg.
Ellers har jeg nå sett gjennom medieloggen min fra vinteren 2009. Jeg hørte og så mye interessant da. Mange bra plater, mye vrengende tv. Det var en god tid. Bortsett fra det at det var kaldt og jeg var landfast på Tysnes med tidvis svært sære mentale opplevelser. Jeg er -veldig- glad for at jeg ihvertfall kan gjenskape deler av de rommene.
Det er helt klart på tide å fikse kameraet sånn at jeg kan få noen bilder ut av dagene mine.
Jeg burde vel ta hintet og gjemme mine skriverier vekk for de neste hundre år jeg også, men jeg tror at jeg kommer til å overse den formaningen enn så lenge. Det vil nok vise seg å være særs lite gagnelig å opprettholde dette uttrykket, men jeg er litt selvpinende av meg.
Ellers har jeg nå sett gjennom medieloggen min fra vinteren 2009. Jeg hørte og så mye interessant da. Mange bra plater, mye vrengende tv. Det var en god tid. Bortsett fra det at det var kaldt og jeg var landfast på Tysnes med tidvis svært sære mentale opplevelser. Jeg er -veldig- glad for at jeg ihvertfall kan gjenskape deler av de rommene.
Det er helt klart på tide å fikse kameraet sånn at jeg kan få noen bilder ut av dagene mine.
Honest Signals
So. Reading Alex Sandy Pentland`s "Honest Signals" is amusing. Especially when you`ve spent the last half decade completely stagnant socially.
No, actually, that makes the book -very SCARY-, but riveting.
I feel somewhat sorry for us humans and our silly little attempts at building rational beneficiality-maximizing behaviours in competitive environments often ruled by force of personality. Alas, the conscious/unconscious is a wily beast.
Call me when you have a compact to offer.
No, actually, that makes the book -very SCARY-, but riveting.
I feel somewhat sorry for us humans and our silly little attempts at building rational beneficiality-maximizing behaviours in competitive environments often ruled by force of personality. Alas, the conscious/unconscious is a wily beast.
Call me when you have a compact to offer.
Jackpot.
Tada. Finally some non-fiction i want to read!
Honest Signals - Pentland & Musicophilia - Sacks.
Should keep me occupied for the next twenty-four hours!
Honest Signals - Pentland & Musicophilia - Sacks.
Should keep me occupied for the next twenty-four hours!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
So u C?
So, i just finished the seance with a medium in Tom McCarthy`s "C".
The track that started after the medium passed out was, fittingly, if one adds an "i" named "The Delph" by Slow Noise. Close enough to be amusing. Far enough away to be inconsequential! Just the way i like it.
It`s a really good minimal-track though. So best to take note of it for that at least.
Other nice overlaps.
"So if I think of barbed wire fences, then I`m free?"
"No but if you listen to ""Wired Thoughts" whilst reading you`ll certainly be!"
The track that started after the medium passed out was, fittingly, if one adds an "i" named "The Delph" by Slow Noise. Close enough to be amusing. Far enough away to be inconsequential! Just the way i like it.
It`s a really good minimal-track though. So best to take note of it for that at least.
Other nice overlaps.
"So if I think of barbed wire fences, then I`m free?"
"No but if you listen to ""Wired Thoughts" whilst reading you`ll certainly be!"
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Oh dear!
Sooooo.
David Lapham`s "Crossed : Psychopath" is coming soon. I`m totally going to give my cousin a subscription to it for christmas!
The covers are freaky-deaky. I haven`t laughed like that in quite a while.
David Lapham`s "Crossed : Psychopath" is coming soon. I`m totally going to give my cousin a subscription to it for christmas!
The covers are freaky-deaky. I haven`t laughed like that in quite a while.
Osunlade
Osunlade - Occult Symphonic (spotify)
Det er nesten flaut hvor behagelig det er å legge seg ned i lett repetetive rytmer som denne mixplaten er full av. Men jeg nyter det for mye til å rødme. Det er så nedstrippet og mykt at det er litt sært at det går an å høre på det.
Jaja, gjør det meg glad så gjør det vel det.
Når jeg hører på tech-house pleier jeg å bli rimelig mettet etter tre fire spor, det er få plater som klarer å holde seg behagelige over 60+ minutter. Osunlade klarer det! YAY!
Det er nesten flaut hvor behagelig det er å legge seg ned i lett repetetive rytmer som denne mixplaten er full av. Men jeg nyter det for mye til å rødme. Det er så nedstrippet og mykt at det er litt sært at det går an å høre på det.
Jaja, gjør det meg glad så gjør det vel det.
Når jeg hører på tech-house pleier jeg å bli rimelig mettet etter tre fire spor, det er få plater som klarer å holde seg behagelige over 60+ minutter. Osunlade klarer det! YAY!
Schizo
So yeah. I came by an interesting article on how people assess force used against them and how they reciprocate based on their assessment.
Tough luck for us delusionals when it comes to being competitive then. The principle for reaching pinnacles of power seems to be capacity to not respond in kind, but to respond even more forcefully. (This isn`t what the article is about, just random, semi-conscious rambling.)
So anyway. If you want heightened capacity for assessment of force employed against you, come join the schizo-camp! If you want to bring the pain and feel good about it being reciprocal even if it is an increase relative to what you received, stay as you were. (If you were as you are, which you aren`t.)
Tough luck for us delusionals when it comes to being competitive then. The principle for reaching pinnacles of power seems to be capacity to not respond in kind, but to respond even more forcefully. (This isn`t what the article is about, just random, semi-conscious rambling.)
So anyway. If you want heightened capacity for assessment of force employed against you, come join the schizo-camp! If you want to bring the pain and feel good about it being reciprocal even if it is an increase relative to what you received, stay as you were. (If you were as you are, which you aren`t.)
En artikkel om dagen : Russland
Man kan bli kjølig av mindre enn artikler som dette : The Concealed Battle to Run Russia
Jeg er som oftest overveldet over hvilke fundamenter de konkurrerende nasjonalstatene i verden er bygget på. Dette er altså ett av verdens fire/fem absolutte maktsentrum, og det ser ikke ut som om det på noen måte vil nærme seg en vennlig form for statskonstruksjon på enn så lenge. Litt trist. Livet er ikke lett med ørner i nabolaget. Så ja, takke meg til trygge vestlandsbygder, de har sine svakheter, men ytterst få FSB-offiserer!
Og nå tenker jeg ikke en gang på hvem disse folkene og organisasjonene konkurrerer mot! Det er jo den vanlige gjengen med suksessfulle militaristisk-autoritære gærninger.
For ekstra iskalde gufs til artikkelen kan Access to Arasaka - Oppidan anbefales. Svalende mørke tech-minimal-idm saker
Jeg er som oftest overveldet over hvilke fundamenter de konkurrerende nasjonalstatene i verden er bygget på. Dette er altså ett av verdens fire/fem absolutte maktsentrum, og det ser ikke ut som om det på noen måte vil nærme seg en vennlig form for statskonstruksjon på enn så lenge. Litt trist. Livet er ikke lett med ørner i nabolaget. Så ja, takke meg til trygge vestlandsbygder, de har sine svakheter, men ytterst få FSB-offiserer!
Og nå tenker jeg ikke en gang på hvem disse folkene og organisasjonene konkurrerer mot! Det er jo den vanlige gjengen med suksessfulle militaristisk-autoritære gærninger.
For ekstra iskalde gufs til artikkelen kan Access to Arasaka - Oppidan anbefales. Svalende mørke tech-minimal-idm saker
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
O jul med din glede
Dårlige nyheter: Jeg er syk.
Gode nyheter : Jeg kan tilbringe hele dagen til sengs mens jeg drikker julebrus, hører på musikk og leser bøker!
Kan ikke få alt her i verden nei.
Gode nyheter : Jeg kan tilbringe hele dagen til sengs mens jeg drikker julebrus, hører på musikk og leser bøker!
Kan ikke få alt her i verden nei.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Tango.
Noensinne våknet opp og funnet ut at du er nødt til å ordne deg slik at du kan få tilbragt et år i Argentina sånn at du kan lære deg tango? Sånne dager er flotte!
Glade dager
Tada.
Da er juletre hentet og satt opp i stuen. Nevø lærer seg å gå ved siden av meg, julemusikken flyter ut fra stereoanlegget, jeg er ikke dehydrert, og alle julegavene er kjøpt inn. Lykkelige dager, som jeg burde bruke på en mer produktiv måte. Men nå skal jeg ut i snødrevet og flytte ved. Noe som jo er fysisk produktivt. Gratis trening er av og til en god ting.
Også snopet jeg et staffeli!
Tihi!
Og noen nye tetyper. Fenikkelfrø & Lakris te. Merkelige saker, det viste seg at den hovedsaklig smakte peppermynte, noe som jo var litt kjedelig. Er vant til Yogi Tea Lakris, og den smaker virkelig lakris. Også en vannvittig urtete med 25 forskjellige saker og ting i seg, den gleder jeg meg til å få prøvet.
Fikk plutselig veldig lyst til å lage falafel. Det er evig lenge siden sist. Men i dag får jeg smake liksom-julemat fra østlandet. Svineribbe du liksom!
Da er juletre hentet og satt opp i stuen. Nevø lærer seg å gå ved siden av meg, julemusikken flyter ut fra stereoanlegget, jeg er ikke dehydrert, og alle julegavene er kjøpt inn. Lykkelige dager, som jeg burde bruke på en mer produktiv måte. Men nå skal jeg ut i snødrevet og flytte ved. Noe som jo er fysisk produktivt. Gratis trening er av og til en god ting.
Også snopet jeg et staffeli!
Tihi!
Og noen nye tetyper. Fenikkelfrø & Lakris te. Merkelige saker, det viste seg at den hovedsaklig smakte peppermynte, noe som jo var litt kjedelig. Er vant til Yogi Tea Lakris, og den smaker virkelig lakris. Også en vannvittig urtete med 25 forskjellige saker og ting i seg, den gleder jeg meg til å få prøvet.
Fikk plutselig veldig lyst til å lage falafel. Det er evig lenge siden sist. Men i dag får jeg smake liksom-julemat fra østlandet. Svineribbe du liksom!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Planleggingsdag.
Hvor går så 2011?
I retning av :
Dansekurs, Barne & Ungdomsarbeiderkurs, svømming, pianospilling, frivilligarbeid for BIT, frivilligarbeid på Borealis, frivilligarbeid på Festspillene, matematikk-eksamen, kjellertilværelse i Sandviken, ny rekord i Stoltzekleiven, hyppige turer i Fjellveien, mer skrivetrening, gjerne litt tegning, teoriprøve, oppkjøring, ny frakk, fysioterapi, flere kaker kjeks og brød, innmelding i bergen turlag?, og generelt sett mer champagne.
Høres greit nok ut!
Det kommer til å bli ganske snacksy å ha gratisbilletter til alt som skjer i BIT-regi nå i vår! Så må jeg bare finne noen venner som faktisk interesserer seg for slikt! =P
Hva har jeg glemt? Jo finnes det ridekurs for voksne? Jeg må ihvertfall få prøvd å ri første halvår 2011.
Også kommer det ny bok av Jan Grue i februar. Lykke og velstand.
Ja også må jeg leke meg litt med farger. Jeg trenger egentlig bare et ark og et sett med basisfarger, jeg har lyst til å se hvordan forskjellige fargekombinasjoner ser ut ved siden av hverandre.
I retning av :
Dansekurs, Barne & Ungdomsarbeiderkurs, svømming, pianospilling, frivilligarbeid for BIT, frivilligarbeid på Borealis, frivilligarbeid på Festspillene, matematikk-eksamen, kjellertilværelse i Sandviken, ny rekord i Stoltzekleiven, hyppige turer i Fjellveien, mer skrivetrening, gjerne litt tegning, teoriprøve, oppkjøring, ny frakk, fysioterapi, flere kaker kjeks og brød, innmelding i bergen turlag?, og generelt sett mer champagne.
Høres greit nok ut!
Det kommer til å bli ganske snacksy å ha gratisbilletter til alt som skjer i BIT-regi nå i vår! Så må jeg bare finne noen venner som faktisk interesserer seg for slikt! =P
Hva har jeg glemt? Jo finnes det ridekurs for voksne? Jeg må ihvertfall få prøvd å ri første halvår 2011.
Også kommer det ny bok av Jan Grue i februar. Lykke og velstand.
Ja også må jeg leke meg litt med farger. Jeg trenger egentlig bare et ark og et sett med basisfarger, jeg har lyst til å se hvordan forskjellige fargekombinasjoner ser ut ved siden av hverandre.
Happy days.
I dag har vært helt utmerket. Laget pepperkaker, sursild, sirupssnipper, trøfler, hørt litt på Philip Glass sin 5. symfoni, hørt mennesker krangle om kirkebesøk i skoleregi, snakket om alt mellom himmel og jord med Henriette, meldt meg på barne og ungdomsarbeiderkurs i NAV-regi, kastet litt ved rundt omkring og generelt vært lykkelig.
Slik skal det gjøres.
Slik skal det gjøres.
Dreams
Hmmmm. My dreams do not particularly like me nowadays. I wish i knew better and didn`t think that i`m being stress tested to see how easy it is for me to start smoking again. I don`t. Which at least makes it bearable. Haven`t felt an intense desire to buy a pack yet.
Had some red wine yesterday, discovered that my body was somewhat uncomfortable with 1/3 bottle of wine. That is an, -interesting- turn of events. At least that implies that i`ll have a generally low intake of alcohol during christmas, which will be quite the change from earlier years. Which is just as well, since the cover of januarys Harper`s looks like this :
So yeah. Maybe i should like, just take it easy come new years eve as well...... =P
Had some red wine yesterday, discovered that my body was somewhat uncomfortable with 1/3 bottle of wine. That is an, -interesting- turn of events. At least that implies that i`ll have a generally low intake of alcohol during christmas, which will be quite the change from earlier years. Which is just as well, since the cover of januarys Harper`s looks like this :
So yeah. Maybe i should like, just take it easy come new years eve as well...... =P
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Happiness
I`m really quite happy. I`m just too scared to write about everything i`m happy about.
Honestly!
Honestly!
It`s a Shame About Gemma Ray
Ever had one of those days that are filled with christmas joys such as cooking, talking with family, and generally having a jolly time preparing for the happy days ahead. Ever had one of those days where all of that was taking place, you performed everything you needed to, and all you really wanted to do was to listen to Gemma Ray - Put A Bolt On The Door.
Well, today was such a day. I`ve been pretty jolly, but as the day has edged onwards an uncomfortable gloom has crept in.
Oh well, at least we`ve made lot`s of different treats for christmas. And i haven`t locked myself in my room with cigarettes and alcohol yet! And i probably won`t either. Which feels horrible.
Well, today was such a day. I`ve been pretty jolly, but as the day has edged onwards an uncomfortable gloom has crept in.
Oh well, at least we`ve made lot`s of different treats for christmas. And i haven`t locked myself in my room with cigarettes and alcohol yet! And i probably won`t either. Which feels horrible.
IAMG Spectrum
The problem with not having much of an expansive social life is that the brain has a limited amount of characters it`s familiar enough with to use in dreams. And that one becomes more reliant upon those dreams for social experiences. Which is a self-reinforcing loop just waiting to happen. Which it has. Which is highly impractical.
My nightly experiences have not subsided in being generally weird yet. Though they are as of right now decently pleasant, if a little self-subduing. This poem manages to convey aspects of it in a comforting/haunting manner.
"Phoebus was gone, all gone, his journey over"
by Anonymous
Anonymous
Phoebus was gone, all gone, his journey over.
His sister was riding high: nothing bridled her.
Her light was falling, shining into woods and rivers.
Wild animals opened their jaws wide, stirred to prey.
But in the human world all was sleep, pause, relaxation, torpor.
One night, in an April which had just gone by,
The likeness of my love stood beside me suddenly.
He called my name so quietly. He touched me gently.
His voice was drowning in tears. It failed completely.
His sighs overwhelmed him. Finally, he could not speak clearly.
I shuddered at his touch. I felt the fear of it.
I trembled as if I knew the true terror of it.
I opened my arms wide and pressed him against my body.
Then I froze: I was ice, all ice. My blood drained into it.
He had fled. Here was my embrace—and there was nothing in it.
Fully awake now, I cried out loudly:
"Where are you fleeing to? Why are you rushing away?
Wait, wait for me. If you want, I can enter there.
Because the truth is, I want to live with you forever."
But soon I regretted it—that I had spoken out this way.
And all the time, the windows of the terrace had been wide open.
The light of the moon poured down; its beauty, its radiance.
And I grieved and grieved. I grieved for so long.
The tears flowed down my cheeks: tributaries of tears.
It was a whole day before I could stop weeping.
It`s cold and spectral, but life, alas, has these characteristics as well. I`m used to it. It`s wearing me down as it would anybody though.
Aaaaargh, can`t i just get on the jolly-train? I`m really quite a happy person. Solitude makes me less of a believer in myself unfortunately. Which causes more lamentations to take place, which really is not good for my brain at all.
My nightly experiences have not subsided in being generally weird yet. Though they are as of right now decently pleasant, if a little self-subduing. This poem manages to convey aspects of it in a comforting/haunting manner.
"Phoebus was gone, all gone, his journey over"
by Anonymous
Anonymous
Phoebus was gone, all gone, his journey over.
His sister was riding high: nothing bridled her.
Her light was falling, shining into woods and rivers.
Wild animals opened their jaws wide, stirred to prey.
But in the human world all was sleep, pause, relaxation, torpor.
One night, in an April which had just gone by,
The likeness of my love stood beside me suddenly.
He called my name so quietly. He touched me gently.
His voice was drowning in tears. It failed completely.
His sighs overwhelmed him. Finally, he could not speak clearly.
I shuddered at his touch. I felt the fear of it.
I trembled as if I knew the true terror of it.
I opened my arms wide and pressed him against my body.
Then I froze: I was ice, all ice. My blood drained into it.
He had fled. Here was my embrace—and there was nothing in it.
Fully awake now, I cried out loudly:
"Where are you fleeing to? Why are you rushing away?
Wait, wait for me. If you want, I can enter there.
Because the truth is, I want to live with you forever."
But soon I regretted it—that I had spoken out this way.
And all the time, the windows of the terrace had been wide open.
The light of the moon poured down; its beauty, its radiance.
And I grieved and grieved. I grieved for so long.
The tears flowed down my cheeks: tributaries of tears.
It was a whole day before I could stop weeping.
It`s cold and spectral, but life, alas, has these characteristics as well. I`m used to it. It`s wearing me down as it would anybody though.
Aaaaargh, can`t i just get on the jolly-train? I`m really quite a happy person. Solitude makes me less of a believer in myself unfortunately. Which causes more lamentations to take place, which really is not good for my brain at all.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Oxygen.
Suffering through a lack of oxygen right now. It`s really difficult to keep fully operational in a room where there`s a fire, it always drains me of any force of will i might have. Kind of annoying, though maybe more so for my company, i am after all quite used to slow, sedated states of being. Listening to a fire is cozy though. Maybe i should record the sounds and listen to them some other time. Listening to those sounds without becoming as slow as i am now would be interesting.
Slow days. Less to do here then previously assumed. Which means that i`ve totally fleeced my sister and brother in law. Which is of course not nice. Though i cannot recall asking for anything beyond the fare.
Well, apparently my burst of enjoyment with self-expression has burnt itself out. This usually happens, and i find it hard to think of anything that would alter it. Now i`m touching on topics mostly related to boredom and that`s hardly worth of even my own note. I had a couple of fun days wherein which i got to test my capacity to express myself in a reckless manner, and it was good fun. The harrowing and exuberant emotional peaks visited in the course of last week are now safely forgotten, and docility is once again fielding its challenge to the idea of wanting to create a person out of me.
My plans keep rolling forward though. Bleh, though the only refinement of that done today was to figure out that i need a coat that costs way too much money. Happy consumerism for the people. Oh well, i`ll be able to afford it someday.
I`m trying to figure out where to take dancing lessons this spring, and which dancing lessons to take. I`m really going to enjoy learning some basic steps, regardless of where i end up taking lessons. Dancing lessons coupled with volunteer work for BIT should yield ample rewards in my day to day enjoyment of life.
Another question is which festivals i shall volunteer for durng the course of 2011. I`m going to have to do either Nattjazz or Festspillene, but which other festivals are there that i`d enjoy being a part of? The problem with these things is that they have a tendency to spring on you in the media just as the festival is starting, which is too late to participate. And i`m not much when it comes to locating such information beforehand by myself. For all i know there could be a calendar somewhere chronicling everything cultural that will happen in Hordaland in 2011, but locating it is another manner. Digital youth indeed! =P
Slow days. Less to do here then previously assumed. Which means that i`ve totally fleeced my sister and brother in law. Which is of course not nice. Though i cannot recall asking for anything beyond the fare.
Well, apparently my burst of enjoyment with self-expression has burnt itself out. This usually happens, and i find it hard to think of anything that would alter it. Now i`m touching on topics mostly related to boredom and that`s hardly worth of even my own note. I had a couple of fun days wherein which i got to test my capacity to express myself in a reckless manner, and it was good fun. The harrowing and exuberant emotional peaks visited in the course of last week are now safely forgotten, and docility is once again fielding its challenge to the idea of wanting to create a person out of me.
My plans keep rolling forward though. Bleh, though the only refinement of that done today was to figure out that i need a coat that costs way too much money. Happy consumerism for the people. Oh well, i`ll be able to afford it someday.
I`m trying to figure out where to take dancing lessons this spring, and which dancing lessons to take. I`m really going to enjoy learning some basic steps, regardless of where i end up taking lessons. Dancing lessons coupled with volunteer work for BIT should yield ample rewards in my day to day enjoyment of life.
Another question is which festivals i shall volunteer for durng the course of 2011. I`m going to have to do either Nattjazz or Festspillene, but which other festivals are there that i`d enjoy being a part of? The problem with these things is that they have a tendency to spring on you in the media just as the festival is starting, which is too late to participate. And i`m not much when it comes to locating such information beforehand by myself. For all i know there could be a calendar somewhere chronicling everything cultural that will happen in Hordaland in 2011, but locating it is another manner. Digital youth indeed! =P
Julen er ikke for pingler.
Tada, vi har nå fem dager på oss for å få ordnet :
Pepperkaker
Medisterkaker
Trøfler
Sirupssnipper
Berlinerkranser
Knekk
Fletteloff
Brytebrød
Sursild
Sennepssild
Kokosmakroner.
Heiane mann, det kan holde hardt.
Pepperkaker
Medisterkaker
Trøfler
Sirupssnipper
Berlinerkranser
Knekk
Fletteloff
Brytebrød
Sursild
Sennepssild
Kokosmakroner.
Heiane mann, det kan holde hardt.
Jolly reindeer.
There are actual deer outside the kitchen where i`m currently sitting. That`s pretty rediculous, but very idyllic.
Intense night. I really need a course in how best to avoid bickering to myself. Alas i`ve come to enjoy it slightly over the years. Very annoying not to get a proper nights sleep. Instead of sleeping from ten to four or five i probably awoke at two or three and fell asleep again at five. But hey, at least i had the warmth of vague illusions to keep me company for the hours i was awake. Those are always fun. Or maybe not, they`re always tolearble, and i`m as hardened as i can assume i`ll ever be so there`s no real anguish over anything but my social situation and general feeling of solitude. Which i have all reason to believe will improve in the course of 2011.
Visiting Henriette is as always cozy. It was very comfortable to watch Klovn instead of reading one of the angsty books i keep company with these days.
Other than that, an article by Tony Judt about "The Glory of Trains" on the same day i went for a train ride. Always fun when that happens.
Now a question. Since the movie adaptation of "By Love Possessed" was the first movie to be shown in-flight on a TWA flight, and since i started reading the novel on a train, must i now continue to read it only whilst on trains or can i allow myself to read it elsewhere as well?
This could be problematic since i don`t take the train that often. What about buses and ferries, might that be permissible? Or must i allow the book to exist solely alongside the magic of trains?
Stupid question, i know.
Intense night. I really need a course in how best to avoid bickering to myself. Alas i`ve come to enjoy it slightly over the years. Very annoying not to get a proper nights sleep. Instead of sleeping from ten to four or five i probably awoke at two or three and fell asleep again at five. But hey, at least i had the warmth of vague illusions to keep me company for the hours i was awake. Those are always fun. Or maybe not, they`re always tolearble, and i`m as hardened as i can assume i`ll ever be so there`s no real anguish over anything but my social situation and general feeling of solitude. Which i have all reason to believe will improve in the course of 2011.
Visiting Henriette is as always cozy. It was very comfortable to watch Klovn instead of reading one of the angsty books i keep company with these days.
Other than that, an article by Tony Judt about "The Glory of Trains" on the same day i went for a train ride. Always fun when that happens.
Now a question. Since the movie adaptation of "By Love Possessed" was the first movie to be shown in-flight on a TWA flight, and since i started reading the novel on a train, must i now continue to read it only whilst on trains or can i allow myself to read it elsewhere as well?
This could be problematic since i don`t take the train that often. What about buses and ferries, might that be permissible? Or must i allow the book to exist solely alongside the magic of trains?
Stupid question, i know.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Svada
The world a member of the actor`s guild and we all strikebreakers in it.
That wasn`t how it went, was it?!
So, i have now arrived in Porsgrunn. Amazing place. The difficulties of properly weaving conversations have now smoothed themselves out over the course of figuring out what we are going to make in the great bake-bonanza the coming days. We`re overly optimistic, and keep adding recipes to our list. This is the first time in over a decade i`ve participated in proper christmas preparations of this sort. Make me all warm and cozy inside.
Which i bloody well need, since i`ve spent most of the day reading about the all but peach and creamy mental lives of bloody bloomsbury-people. Harrowing enough on the best of days. Coupled with a book i found this morning called "By Love Possessed". I wouldn`t immediately believe me capable of making it through such a dense story, but the people in it are interesting, the situations and recollections of the characters contain aspects i find relevant enough, and i want to know what might possibly happen in this little city of theirs.
That there`s a Woolf and a MacCarthy in it as well is of course amusing.
That wasn`t how it went, was it?!
So, i have now arrived in Porsgrunn. Amazing place. The difficulties of properly weaving conversations have now smoothed themselves out over the course of figuring out what we are going to make in the great bake-bonanza the coming days. We`re overly optimistic, and keep adding recipes to our list. This is the first time in over a decade i`ve participated in proper christmas preparations of this sort. Make me all warm and cozy inside.
Which i bloody well need, since i`ve spent most of the day reading about the all but peach and creamy mental lives of bloody bloomsbury-people. Harrowing enough on the best of days. Coupled with a book i found this morning called "By Love Possessed". I wouldn`t immediately believe me capable of making it through such a dense story, but the people in it are interesting, the situations and recollections of the characters contain aspects i find relevant enough, and i want to know what might possibly happen in this little city of theirs.
That there`s a Woolf and a MacCarthy in it as well is of course amusing.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Travel.
SO, that ends another stay at Tysnes. Quite enjoyable. Turbulent, in its ways. Yet much better than usual. Strange though, i feel really tired now. It`s probably all of the pop-rock i`ve listened to that is getting to me. I don`t visit that kind of music too often, and it leaves me somewhat sedated. Which is okay, i guess. Numbing myself through music is probably better than numbing myself with cigarettes. Though at times i wonder......
The journey towards the last full moon of the year is progressing nicely. I`m pretty comfortable and energetic most of the time, even with my standard emotional volatility. This bodes well. All i have to do is keep it up until the end of the year and try to make up a list of what i should do next year. Then i should be able to get the kind of progression i require from my life.
Just for all that is holy let my shoulder be okay to swim with next year, i really can`t imagine how it would be not to swim for another six months.
The journey towards the last full moon of the year is progressing nicely. I`m pretty comfortable and energetic most of the time, even with my standard emotional volatility. This bodes well. All i have to do is keep it up until the end of the year and try to make up a list of what i should do next year. Then i should be able to get the kind of progression i require from my life.
Just for all that is holy let my shoulder be okay to swim with next year, i really can`t imagine how it would be not to swim for another six months.
Neutronium
Expression
low yield
detonated in our vincinity
left us standing
yet removed something within
low yield
detonated in our vincinity
left us standing
yet removed something within
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Tears.
There are ways to avoid tears. And then there are ways to charge headlong into them at 100mph.
The latter can be ahieved as follows :
First you listen to Solveig Slettahjell`s - Take It With Me.
And as the tracks reaches its closing seconds, stumble upon this in one of your browser tabs :
"On 28th March, 1941, Virginia Woolf wrote a letter to Leonard Woolf: "I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that - everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer." A second letter was addressed to Vanessa. It concluded, "if I could I would tell you what you and the children have meant to me. I think you know." Later that morning she committed suicide by drowning herself in the Ouse, near her home in Rodmell."
link
It`s a beautiful world. Dangerously sad at times though.
The latter can be ahieved as follows :
First you listen to Solveig Slettahjell`s - Take It With Me.
And as the tracks reaches its closing seconds, stumble upon this in one of your browser tabs :
"On 28th March, 1941, Virginia Woolf wrote a letter to Leonard Woolf: "I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that - everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer." A second letter was addressed to Vanessa. It concluded, "if I could I would tell you what you and the children have meant to me. I think you know." Later that morning she committed suicide by drowning herself in the Ouse, near her home in Rodmell."
link
It`s a beautiful world. Dangerously sad at times though.
26 years, 26 tracks.
Tada.
26 tracks of unparallelled melancholic and romantic beauty.
Because i can. And because i am really, really, really, fond of these tracks.
So lo and behold nobody!
26 tracks of unparallelled melancholic and romantic beauty.
Because i can. And because i am really, really, really, fond of these tracks.
So lo and behold nobody!
Fun fact.
Fun fact nobody will ever care about no. 2764121024891403 :
Both Leon Edel and Cordwainer Smith were specialists on pyschological warfare during world war 2. Which makes a former post of mine all the more amusing.
Both Leon Edel and Cordwainer Smith were specialists on pyschological warfare during world war 2. Which makes a former post of mine all the more amusing.
Complementarity
And so, to prepare for my return to the city, it is once again time for "Il ritorno d'Ulisse in patria".
I`ve done this at least three times now, but never under better circumstances and with a better feeling about myself and the world.
I`ve done this at least three times now, but never under better circumstances and with a better feeling about myself and the world.
Alma
So, after one and a half years absence i finished the rest of "The History of Love" whilst bathing tonight. Touching characters, nice play on many questions about writing and reality.
But i should -really- stop reading those kind of books, i`m just emotional enough to really enjoy them, and i can`t for the life of me think that romantic pinings of that sort in any way can be considered attractive by female members of the species. Do prove me wrong, by all means, otherwise i`m going to return to Tom Clancy.
I also read a short story from Munro`s "Runaway". Quite touching incisions of romantic tristesse there as well.
Which means i would`ve been a weeping willow tonight if it hadn`t been for an old scifi-collection called Antigrav. That kept my spirits up in between all of these rending romantic narrations.
The moral of the story. Be wary of stories of love, and keep science fiction and chocolate ice cream at hand for the really emotional parts.
But i should -really- stop reading those kind of books, i`m just emotional enough to really enjoy them, and i can`t for the life of me think that romantic pinings of that sort in any way can be considered attractive by female members of the species. Do prove me wrong, by all means, otherwise i`m going to return to Tom Clancy.
I also read a short story from Munro`s "Runaway". Quite touching incisions of romantic tristesse there as well.
Which means i would`ve been a weeping willow tonight if it hadn`t been for an old scifi-collection called Antigrav. That kept my spirits up in between all of these rending romantic narrations.
The moral of the story. Be wary of stories of love, and keep science fiction and chocolate ice cream at hand for the really emotional parts.
Bloomsbury
"A House of Lions" is a thrilling read. Such broken, yet capable characters! Argh, they aren`t broken, really. They`re human, would be a better statement. Transparent humans always appear broken, that is our silly way. And it kind of annoys me to repeat that silly notion about them. They possess a form of beauty that is tinted with melancholia that i find close to perfect. I must honestly say that their school-environment seems so far from healthy as it is possible to get. The joys of the struggling british upper classes appear rather scary at times.
So, luckily i grew up in Bloom County not with Bloomsbury. Visiting their beings, behaviours and social environments now will probably come in handy though.
Granted, at times i feel sorrowful over not having existed in such an environment of intellectual stimulation and rational rigor. I did try to emulate it as best as i could as an independent entity, but that was far from easy. But i`m quite fond of the slightly more relaxed take on the world and its beings that most of my friends and family espouse. Though i can be quite irritated by it at times. The blindness to alternatives of a worse sort makes me annoyingly irreverent of their actual accomplishments as fellow human beings at times. Though that is hardly a burden i am alone in bearing.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Mother.
Mother Hitton`s Littul Kittons
Mother Lytton`s Little .......?
Minestrone the stroon is mine.
If it isn`t immediately obvious, i`ve just started reading A House of Lions.
Mother Lytton`s Little .......?
Minestrone the stroon is mine.
If it isn`t immediately obvious, i`ve just started reading A House of Lions.
Chocolate Overdose
So, i`m happy to report that 33g of chocolate mixed in a cup of hot milk keeps me prett active. This shouldn`t really come as a surprise, but most of the time i`ve been too nicotine-addled whilst drinking chocolate to notice any of its energy-infusing effects. Not so now!
The gentle quest for balance in my unfolding being is ever improving.
So, what happened today? Got a chance to rummage through the storage room at my father`s school house. Always fun, especially when my brain is in organizing/systematic-mode. Now the room is calm again, after having been in disarray for quite some time. I even wiped off my old scratch marks from the chalkboard. About time!
We`ve actually decided to throw away some of our old Macs. It`s a sin but it has to be done. There`s not much use in having a IIsi and an 8200 sitting idly by any longer. The 5500 is still alive, and i bought all three books in the Jump 225 trilogy today. See the connection? Oh i`m so clever. Yeah, the 5500, or, as i like to call it, my own little Navi. Too "bad"? that i never graduated to the full Lain-monty computerwiz-wise. Though that could also be understood to be just as well for my long term viability and well-being.
The gentle quest for balance in my unfolding being is ever improving.
So, what happened today? Got a chance to rummage through the storage room at my father`s school house. Always fun, especially when my brain is in organizing/systematic-mode. Now the room is calm again, after having been in disarray for quite some time. I even wiped off my old scratch marks from the chalkboard. About time!
We`ve actually decided to throw away some of our old Macs. It`s a sin but it has to be done. There`s not much use in having a IIsi and an 8200 sitting idly by any longer. The 5500 is still alive, and i bought all three books in the Jump 225 trilogy today. See the connection? Oh i`m so clever. Yeah, the 5500, or, as i like to call it, my own little Navi. Too "bad"? that i never graduated to the full Lain-monty computerwiz-wise. Though that could also be understood to be just as well for my long term viability and well-being.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Symbiosis.
Interesting evening. First a gentle introduction to Saul Bellow`s works, or at least three of them. I can wonder whether it will interest me to peruse them in my later years or not. I view it as unlikely that i can manage that kind of excursion into the life and times of icebergs at present.
Rachel Aviv`s article on psychosis, and the realm of the troubled mind/being was really informative. Having spent my share of years in the grip of near and full psychoses i found it a fresh and hones take on what this condition consists of, with a wary respect for the medical professions attempts to find some sort of consistent scheme for aiding individuals in varying grips of the universe and it`s capacity for consciousness-creation. Having enjoyed (at times) and feared (at times) the varied experiences and understandings which my being and the universe creates to comprehend itself has given me a certain loathing for the concept of the pure-functional-adjusted-productive / pathological -dichotomy. Luckily, not everybody buys into the medical professions constant attempts to "normalize" the human experience.
My life is much the richer for it, and i am more satisfied with myself as a living, thinking and acting being than i ever was before all of these mental hijinks manifested themselves.
Thereafter, perhaps out of some perverse desire to be psychosis-inducing i decided to read some chapters in Tom McCarthy`s "C" whilst listening to Thermidor - 1929 and the first half of Flint Glass - Circumsounds. "We went up; we saw stuff; it was good.", in the words of Serge Carrefax. It was especially nice to reach the paragraph about the annunciating angel descending upon Serge and Gregg just as the track "Angel" started.
The blooming that occurs in complementary streams of expression causes such joy in my life!
Rachel Aviv`s article on psychosis, and the realm of the troubled mind/being was really informative. Having spent my share of years in the grip of near and full psychoses i found it a fresh and hones take on what this condition consists of, with a wary respect for the medical professions attempts to find some sort of consistent scheme for aiding individuals in varying grips of the universe and it`s capacity for consciousness-creation. Having enjoyed (at times) and feared (at times) the varied experiences and understandings which my being and the universe creates to comprehend itself has given me a certain loathing for the concept of the pure-functional-adjusted-productive / pathological -dichotomy. Luckily, not everybody buys into the medical professions constant attempts to "normalize" the human experience.
My life is much the richer for it, and i am more satisfied with myself as a living, thinking and acting being than i ever was before all of these mental hijinks manifested themselves.
Thereafter, perhaps out of some perverse desire to be psychosis-inducing i decided to read some chapters in Tom McCarthy`s "C" whilst listening to Thermidor - 1929 and the first half of Flint Glass - Circumsounds. "We went up; we saw stuff; it was good.", in the words of Serge Carrefax. It was especially nice to reach the paragraph about the annunciating angel descending upon Serge and Gregg just as the track "Angel" started.
The blooming that occurs in complementary streams of expression causes such joy in my life!
Esperanza
So, tried listening to Esperanza Spalding`s "The Chamber Music Society" today. Lovely, polished music, and it was -very- comfortable to listen to tracks where the voice is unchained from the constraints of words.
Part of the problem is probably that i`m listening to it in headphones instead of being wrapped in the sound whilst walking around in a room. That would`ve helped. But as it was i ended up yearning for Katie Jane Garside by the time i got to track five.
Part of the problem is probably that i`m listening to it in headphones instead of being wrapped in the sound whilst walking around in a room. That would`ve helped. But as it was i ended up yearning for Katie Jane Garside by the time i got to track five.
Campingtur.
Alle burde eie et skolehus. Det har en romslighet over seg som er rimelig fantastisk. Pluss at det er godt og kaldt å sove i delvis oppvarmete skolesaler. Nå ligger jeg i et rome som er noe for folk som liker å gå på skattejakt, det er overfylt av kartonger, kasser og annet. Jeg vet blandt annet at jeg har et sted mellom åtte og ti bok-kasser stående her, og hele familien har brukt dette som lagerrom de siste seks årene. (av og til begynner jeg vrrkelig å lure på hvor mye en familkie kan klare å anskaffe seg i løpet av et langt liv-
GÅrsdagens kveld var en suksess, som vanlig når jeg besøker pappa. For en gangs skyld stod jeg for den snacksne middag, noe som førte til at vi fikk pannestekte kyllingfileter, noe som var særs godt. Ellers inneholdt kjøleskapet nok øl til å holde oss gående til ca tolv. Akkurat passe. Og jeg fikk ikke i meg noe nikotin i løpet av kvelden, så alt er lykke og velstand. Dette tegner til å bli den beste Tysnes-turen på veldig lenge. Jeg pleier -alltid- å begynne å røyke enten rett før jeg reiser hit eller i løpet av oppholdet. Å slippe det hadde vært fabelaktig.
Ellers akal det nå pusses sølvtøy og leses bøker. Lykke og velstand.
GÅrsdagens kveld var en suksess, som vanlig når jeg besøker pappa. For en gangs skyld stod jeg for den snacksne middag, noe som førte til at vi fikk pannestekte kyllingfileter, noe som var særs godt. Ellers inneholdt kjøleskapet nok øl til å holde oss gående til ca tolv. Akkurat passe. Og jeg fikk ikke i meg noe nikotin i løpet av kvelden, så alt er lykke og velstand. Dette tegner til å bli den beste Tysnes-turen på veldig lenge. Jeg pleier -alltid- å begynne å røyke enten rett før jeg reiser hit eller i løpet av oppholdet. Å slippe det hadde vært fabelaktig.
Ellers akal det nå pusses sølvtøy og leses bøker. Lykke og velstand.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Where the buffalo roam.
Tada.
Trygt plassert på Reksteren kunstnersentrum! Avslappende aften med pappa i vente. Sølvpuss, øldrikking, verdsåsikter og alt som er gøy.
Trygt plassert på Reksteren kunstnersentrum! Avslappende aften med pappa i vente. Sølvpuss, øldrikking, verdsåsikter og alt som er gøy.
Rikdom
Min rikdom er
i mine relasjoner
til materiens refleksjoner
og dens syntetiserende komposisjoner
Så jeg føler meg godt betalt.
i mine relasjoner
til materiens refleksjoner
og dens syntetiserende komposisjoner
Så jeg føler meg godt betalt.
Best of days.
Phew, Jazzmatazz I & II. Meg og Herdis bodde i de to platene der en periode. Mer behagelige kvelder enn Jazzmatazz-rødvinsaftener i parforhold skal man, tror jeg, lete lenge etter.
Guru - Count Your Blessings
Guru - Count Your Blessings
Wakey.
yay! i dag er jeg i godform. noe jeg også burde være etter å ha tilbragt de siste tolv timene i sengen! Phew, mitt ønske om selvutlevering er på synkende kurve, heldigvis. Dvs. jeg vil fremdeles pludre litt rundt og se hvordan det er å bruke språk igjen, men å kaste seg ut fra flere høye tårn tror jeg ikke jeg gjør på en stund.
I dag er det gulvmaling for alle penga. Å male ting er en av de få tingene jeg har gjort regelmessig de siste årene, et hus der, en vegg der, et tak der, osb. Det er ganske greit å være komfortabel med pensel i hånden, selv om jeg egentlig mest har lyst til å male med sjokolade! Det blir det sikkert råd med en gang. Foreløpig får jeg slå meg til ro med harde tregulv og oljemaling...
Det har faktisk taatt oss over tyve år å få malt gulvet i andre etasje. Guds kvern maler langsomt, som det heter.
Enda en natt tilbragt med alt som finnes av Ultimae. Nå har jeg hørt gjennom alle Fahrenheit-platene igjen. Det har jeg gjort en del ganger tidligere, de er veldig tilbakelente med en fin bassdrevet svevende følelse.
I dag går ferden til Reksteren og den store kunstners atelier, det kan bli festlig. En hyggelig gammel mann med mye på sinnet og en god verdensforståelse. Også har han et bordtennisbord, som vi ikke kan bruke lenger siden han har øyeproblemer. *Sukk*
Don`t want to be a fat man, people would think that i was just good fun,
would rather be a thin man, i am so glad to go on being one.
I dag er det gulvmaling for alle penga. Å male ting er en av de få tingene jeg har gjort regelmessig de siste årene, et hus der, en vegg der, et tak der, osb. Det er ganske greit å være komfortabel med pensel i hånden, selv om jeg egentlig mest har lyst til å male med sjokolade! Det blir det sikkert råd med en gang. Foreløpig får jeg slå meg til ro med harde tregulv og oljemaling...
Det har faktisk taatt oss over tyve år å få malt gulvet i andre etasje. Guds kvern maler langsomt, som det heter.
Enda en natt tilbragt med alt som finnes av Ultimae. Nå har jeg hørt gjennom alle Fahrenheit-platene igjen. Det har jeg gjort en del ganger tidligere, de er veldig tilbakelente med en fin bassdrevet svevende følelse.
I dag går ferden til Reksteren og den store kunstners atelier, det kan bli festlig. En hyggelig gammel mann med mye på sinnet og en god verdensforståelse. Også har han et bordtennisbord, som vi ikke kan bruke lenger siden han har øyeproblemer. *Sukk*
Don`t want to be a fat man, people would think that i was just good fun,
would rather be a thin man, i am so glad to go on being one.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Virginia
Today i jumped back into "Jacob`s Room" by Virginia Woolf. My oh my that book is written with a heavy tone. She knows of what she writes, methinks. It`s a book i really cannot understand where is headed, which makes me like it. I do not remember the characters from scene to scene, somewhat to the detriment of a proper enjoyment of it, but i can`t help but letting that pass for now.
Chapter Nine and Ten have been interesting thus far. I shall see what happens as i traipse along. And i do mean traipse. That is perhaps the book`s achievement, it feels very -heavy-. Few books i have read have felt that much like something with weight is laid on top of me.
Chapter Nine and Ten have been interesting thus far. I shall see what happens as i traipse along. And i do mean traipse. That is perhaps the book`s achievement, it feels very -heavy-. Few books i have read have felt that much like something with weight is laid on top of me.
Tristesse
This is by far the poem that best describes the situation all around us everyday. I`m amazed that we almost manage to keep up to speed with all that goes on!
That day, the saucers landed. Hundreds of them, golden,
Silent, coming down from the sky like great snowflakes,
And the people of Earth stood and
stared as they descended,
Waiting, dry-mouthed, to find what waited inside for us
And none of us knowing if we would be here tomorrow
But you didn’t notice it because
That day, the day the saucers came, by some coincidence,
Was the day that the graves gave up their dead
And the zombies pushed up through soft earth
or erupted, shambling and dull-eyed, unstoppable,
Came towards us, the living, and we screamed and ran,
But you did not notice this because
On the saucer day, which was the zombie day, it was
Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us
A ship built of dead-men’s nails, a serpent, a wolf,
All bigger than the mind could hold,
and the cameraman could
Not get far enough away, and then the Gods came out
But you did not see them coming because
On the saucer-zombie-battling-gods
day the floodgates broke
And each of us was engulfed by genies and sprites
Offering us wishes and wonders and eternities
And charm and cleverness and true
brave hearts and pots of gold
While giants feefofummed across
the land, and killer bees,
But you had no idea of any of this because
That day, the saucer day the zombie day
The Ragnarok and fairies day, the
day the great winds came
And snows, and the cities turned to crystal, the day
All plants died, plastics dissolved, the day the
Computers turned, the screens telling
us we would obey, the day
Angels, drunk and muddled, stumbled from the bars,
And all the bells of London were sounded, the day
Animals spoke to us in Assyrian, the Yeti day,
The fluttering capes and arrival of
the Time Machine day,
You didn’t notice any of this because
you were sitting in your room, not doing anything
not ever reading, not really, just
looking at your telephone,
wondering if I was going to call.
-Neil Gaiman - In "Fragile Things"
Elan Mehler - Elvis Presley Blues
That day, the saucers landed. Hundreds of them, golden,
Silent, coming down from the sky like great snowflakes,
And the people of Earth stood and
stared as they descended,
Waiting, dry-mouthed, to find what waited inside for us
And none of us knowing if we would be here tomorrow
But you didn’t notice it because
That day, the day the saucers came, by some coincidence,
Was the day that the graves gave up their dead
And the zombies pushed up through soft earth
or erupted, shambling and dull-eyed, unstoppable,
Came towards us, the living, and we screamed and ran,
But you did not notice this because
On the saucer day, which was the zombie day, it was
Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us
A ship built of dead-men’s nails, a serpent, a wolf,
All bigger than the mind could hold,
and the cameraman could
Not get far enough away, and then the Gods came out
But you did not see them coming because
On the saucer-zombie-battling-gods
day the floodgates broke
And each of us was engulfed by genies and sprites
Offering us wishes and wonders and eternities
And charm and cleverness and true
brave hearts and pots of gold
While giants feefofummed across
the land, and killer bees,
But you had no idea of any of this because
That day, the saucer day the zombie day
The Ragnarok and fairies day, the
day the great winds came
And snows, and the cities turned to crystal, the day
All plants died, plastics dissolved, the day the
Computers turned, the screens telling
us we would obey, the day
Angels, drunk and muddled, stumbled from the bars,
And all the bells of London were sounded, the day
Animals spoke to us in Assyrian, the Yeti day,
The fluttering capes and arrival of
the Time Machine day,
You didn’t notice any of this because
you were sitting in your room, not doing anything
not ever reading, not really, just
looking at your telephone,
wondering if I was going to call.
-Neil Gaiman - In "Fragile Things"
Elan Mehler - Elvis Presley Blues
At times
At times i`m happy
at times i`m sad
At times i`m cozy
At times i`m mad
The thought of you doth make me glad
The finest thought i ever had
at times i`m sad
At times i`m cozy
At times i`m mad
The thought of you doth make me glad
The finest thought i ever had
Så går vi rundt om en...
Da er det offisielt, vi skal gå rundt treet på julaften i år.
Barnebarn fører til underverker gitt!
Barnebarn fører til underverker gitt!
And all i risk is that someone might actually get know me.
Så, der stakk det noe i meg som rett og slett gjorde at jeg måtte få dette ned et sted. Fem år med å få sine tanker gransket av til tider svært fiendtlige (og tidvis interessante/vennlige) stemmer av diverse art har gjort at selvutlevering etterhvert faller litt naturlig.
Så for ti minutter siden fikk jeg min hittil dårligste ide.
Heretter følger de to verste opplevelsene jeg har hatt hittill i mitt liv, i ingen spesiell rekkefølge.
1. Ettereffektene av å være, ung, forelsket, deprimert, på fylla, og forsøke å tvinge venninnen min jeg var forelsket i til å kysse meg på Kvarteret (jeg antar at det var alt jeg prøvde på, gudbedre meg om det er mer, men det tror jeg ikke, andre får spørres om det når min biografi skal skrives =P) Det var så grusomt som man kan få en opplevelse. Å vite at ens forhold til den første jenten i verden man har stolt på er irrevokabelt ødelagt for mest sannsynlig all fremtid grunnet ens egen inkompetanse gjør vondt. Veldig vondt. Å tenke på hvordan den andre siden av saken må ha vært gjør ingenting spesielt mye hyggeligere.
2. Å være i en sinnstilstand hvor stemmene i ens eget hode etter å ha fått ferten av en mulig instabilitet tvinger meg til å ringe til min eneste eks-kjæreste cirka en måned etter at vi har slått opp og fortelle at jeg kan finne på å være HIV-smittet.
(Sidefortelling. Dette var det vi kan kalle en SÆRDELES overvurdert frykt. Hyggelig historie for så vidt. Etter å ha tilbrakt hele tenårene uten noen som helst form for sensuelle/seksuelle eskapader eller i det hele tatt romantiske opplevelser med det annet kjønn endte jeg opp med å bli med en mann hjem klokken fire om natten en senkveld. Det var rett og slett grenser for hvor lenge jeg kunne klare meg uten følelsen av å bli sett på som attraktiv av noen. Dette (og dette er egentlig ganske morsomt) førte til at min første seksuelle opplevelse var resiprokal homoseksuell oralsex uten utløsning på området til den lokale katolske skolen. Noe jeg finner irriterende morsomt. Deretter gikk vi bare hjem for litt kos, og tok det ellers rolig.)
På bakgrunn av dette bruker jeg da to-tre dager på å bli hundset av stemmene i mitt eget hode fordi at jeg har utsatt min daværende eks og eneste kvinnelige seksualpartner for potensiell HIV-smitte. Mindre hyggelig. Alt roet seg da når den frykten ble avkreftet. Jippi og sånn. Hvis du klarer å overgå det i inkompetanse/uheldighet så er du hjertlig velkommen til å fortelle. Jaja, slike opplevelser brenner seg fort fast.
Sånn, nå er jeg svimmel og litt kvalm og alle som noensinne leser dette vil vel SHOCK AND HORROR faktisk måtte forholde seg til de mest traumatiske opplevelsene jeg har hatt hittill i livet mitt. (Og da har jeg ikke engang nevnt hvor gøy det er å bli hundset til å hoppe ut av vinduer i andre etasje av stemmer i ens eget hode som innehar den samme klangen og språklige uttrykket som de venner man frem til det tidspunkt i livet hadde hatt.)
Spesial bonus, bare i dag. Bare for å virkelig krasje dette når jeg først er i gang. Det jeg skammer meg mest over i mitt liv akkurat nå er at jeg enda ikke har fortalt min søster at det er min feil at hun fikk lånekortet sitt inndratt fra biblioteket for ti år siden. Jeg skulle levere noen bøker, gjorde det ikke, løy om det, kastet bøkene, og fikk henne da til å krangle så mye med biblioteket at hun ble bannlyst derfra. Det er vel noe jeg må fikse nå.... Jaja. Heihei, når du ser dette har du lest deg gjennom det over her også, sånn er altså jeg, hilsen brodern!
Trotzdem. Jeg er et lykkelig og optimistisk vesen som tror på en hyggelig fremtid både for meg, min familie, mitt samfunn, og jordkloden vi bor på. Det føles ganske bra, så får jeg bare forholde meg til tapene skapt av min egen inkompetanse som best det lar seg gjøre. Pkt. 1 gjør fremdeles veldig vondt, pkt. 2 er egentlig bare teit.
Så for ti minutter siden fikk jeg min hittil dårligste ide.
Heretter følger de to verste opplevelsene jeg har hatt hittill i mitt liv, i ingen spesiell rekkefølge.
1. Ettereffektene av å være, ung, forelsket, deprimert, på fylla, og forsøke å tvinge venninnen min jeg var forelsket i til å kysse meg på Kvarteret (jeg antar at det var alt jeg prøvde på, gudbedre meg om det er mer, men det tror jeg ikke, andre får spørres om det når min biografi skal skrives =P) Det var så grusomt som man kan få en opplevelse. Å vite at ens forhold til den første jenten i verden man har stolt på er irrevokabelt ødelagt for mest sannsynlig all fremtid grunnet ens egen inkompetanse gjør vondt. Veldig vondt. Å tenke på hvordan den andre siden av saken må ha vært gjør ingenting spesielt mye hyggeligere.
2. Å være i en sinnstilstand hvor stemmene i ens eget hode etter å ha fått ferten av en mulig instabilitet tvinger meg til å ringe til min eneste eks-kjæreste cirka en måned etter at vi har slått opp og fortelle at jeg kan finne på å være HIV-smittet.
(Sidefortelling. Dette var det vi kan kalle en SÆRDELES overvurdert frykt. Hyggelig historie for så vidt. Etter å ha tilbrakt hele tenårene uten noen som helst form for sensuelle/seksuelle eskapader eller i det hele tatt romantiske opplevelser med det annet kjønn endte jeg opp med å bli med en mann hjem klokken fire om natten en senkveld. Det var rett og slett grenser for hvor lenge jeg kunne klare meg uten følelsen av å bli sett på som attraktiv av noen. Dette (og dette er egentlig ganske morsomt) førte til at min første seksuelle opplevelse var resiprokal homoseksuell oralsex uten utløsning på området til den lokale katolske skolen. Noe jeg finner irriterende morsomt. Deretter gikk vi bare hjem for litt kos, og tok det ellers rolig.)
På bakgrunn av dette bruker jeg da to-tre dager på å bli hundset av stemmene i mitt eget hode fordi at jeg har utsatt min daværende eks og eneste kvinnelige seksualpartner for potensiell HIV-smitte. Mindre hyggelig. Alt roet seg da når den frykten ble avkreftet. Jippi og sånn. Hvis du klarer å overgå det i inkompetanse/uheldighet så er du hjertlig velkommen til å fortelle. Jaja, slike opplevelser brenner seg fort fast.
Sånn, nå er jeg svimmel og litt kvalm og alle som noensinne leser dette vil vel SHOCK AND HORROR faktisk måtte forholde seg til de mest traumatiske opplevelsene jeg har hatt hittill i livet mitt. (Og da har jeg ikke engang nevnt hvor gøy det er å bli hundset til å hoppe ut av vinduer i andre etasje av stemmer i ens eget hode som innehar den samme klangen og språklige uttrykket som de venner man frem til det tidspunkt i livet hadde hatt.)
Spesial bonus, bare i dag. Bare for å virkelig krasje dette når jeg først er i gang. Det jeg skammer meg mest over i mitt liv akkurat nå er at jeg enda ikke har fortalt min søster at det er min feil at hun fikk lånekortet sitt inndratt fra biblioteket for ti år siden. Jeg skulle levere noen bøker, gjorde det ikke, løy om det, kastet bøkene, og fikk henne da til å krangle så mye med biblioteket at hun ble bannlyst derfra. Det er vel noe jeg må fikse nå.... Jaja. Heihei, når du ser dette har du lest deg gjennom det over her også, sånn er altså jeg, hilsen brodern!
Trotzdem. Jeg er et lykkelig og optimistisk vesen som tror på en hyggelig fremtid både for meg, min familie, mitt samfunn, og jordkloden vi bor på. Det føles ganske bra, så får jeg bare forholde meg til tapene skapt av min egen inkompetanse som best det lar seg gjøre. Pkt. 1 gjør fremdeles veldig vondt, pkt. 2 er egentlig bare teit.
Sounds of science/silence.
Yay. En nokså behagelig natt. I går kveld satte jeg "Imaginary Friends" og "Where Edges Meet" på repeat og la meg til å sove. Psychill fra Ultimae er noe av det mest behagelige jeg har kommet over de siste årene. Noe jeg klarte rimelig kjapt. Noe som faktisk førte til en god lang natts søvn. Tror jeg var våken i femtiden, men klokken syv var det sånn at jeg egentlig kunne stå opp. Men jeg tok det med ro og kastet meg inn og ut av noen drømmer i stedet. Hjernen og verden klarer å syntetisere så mangt interessant fra sin viten om verden der inne.
Å bruke så mye tid i drømmelandskaper tror jeg er noe jeg la til meg i de to årene jeg bodde her ute på Tysnes. To år hvor ens sosiale interaksjoner stort sett er med ens foreldre skaper en sterk lengt etter sosialt samvær med samaldrende. Og når da det eneste stedet man klarer å skape disse er i sine drømme så gjør man det. Så klarer man også å bruke historier som blir fortalt til å bygge opp omriss av karakterer og mennesketyper man tidligere har møtt. Og sånn klarer hjernen å lure seg til en viss grad av sosial opplevelse. Det er til tider særs lite pent, men det fungerer. Problemet er at man får veldig mye tid til å bygge opp fortolkningsregistre på bakgrunn av drømmer og historier fremfor "ekte" interaksjoner, noe som jo forvansker gjeninntredener i den vanlige sosiale verden.
Drømmer på morgenkvisten er som oftest sterkere hvis jeg våkner og sovner en to-tre ganger. Hva det kommer av har jeg aldri orket å slå opp noe sted, men det er en interessant opplevelse.
Ellers har jeg endelig tatt tipset til min søster og begynt å lage lister over ting som skal/må gjøres. Jeg har aldri kommet over den terskelen før, så dette kan bli riktig morsomt. Jeg er som oftest i stand til å være vanvittig uorganisert, selv om jeg av og til har sett hint av en nokså pertentlig organisator et sted i min fremferd, jeg har bare ikke næret den delen godt nok opp ennå. Det skal bli gøy å gjøre det!
Ellers har jeg nå sluttet å være irritert over hvor vanskelig jeg har for å være coooooooooool. Nå er ordinær bevissthet tilbake og driften frem mot jul går fore på mundant, tidvis lystig vis. Og jeg har ikke begynt å røyke igjen i løpet av de siste to dagene, noe jeg er veldig fornøyd med!
Og jeg skriver setninger igjen, når gjorde jeg sist det på regelmessig basis??? Det begynner å bli leeeenge siden! Så nå er det mye språklig opprydding som må til for å få disse setningene til å se og klinge skikkelig.
Hvem vet, kanskje jeg begynner å lese bøker igjen også en av disse dagene, jeg fant et boktårn på soverommet mitt av bøker jeg burde vært ferdig med. Jeg antar at det enkleste nok blir å gjøre ferdig Alice Munro - Runaway, noveller er enkle å forholde seg til. (Ikke det at de novellene er -enkle- å forholde seg til, men de er rimelig korte.) Disse årene med altfor mye artikkel-lesning har gjort noe med min evne til å forholde seg til lengre tekststykker, jeg liker det egentlig ikke. Samtidig er det et poeng inni her hvor jeg faktisk følte meg litt utlest. Jeg -hadde- fått min posisjon utredet av litteratur, jeg følte ikke at jeg trengte mer innspill om hvordan verden avr på en stund.
Jaja, det hagler/sludder/snør ute og jeg skal ut og sage ved i Skykkjo. Det blir sikkert gøy, jeg tar med meg noen forelesninger om den globale økonomiens struktur. Back to School! Lone Catalysts er så avsindig bra at jeg begynner å danse på kjøkkengulvet!
Å bruke så mye tid i drømmelandskaper tror jeg er noe jeg la til meg i de to årene jeg bodde her ute på Tysnes. To år hvor ens sosiale interaksjoner stort sett er med ens foreldre skaper en sterk lengt etter sosialt samvær med samaldrende. Og når da det eneste stedet man klarer å skape disse er i sine drømme så gjør man det. Så klarer man også å bruke historier som blir fortalt til å bygge opp omriss av karakterer og mennesketyper man tidligere har møtt. Og sånn klarer hjernen å lure seg til en viss grad av sosial opplevelse. Det er til tider særs lite pent, men det fungerer. Problemet er at man får veldig mye tid til å bygge opp fortolkningsregistre på bakgrunn av drømmer og historier fremfor "ekte" interaksjoner, noe som jo forvansker gjeninntredener i den vanlige sosiale verden.
Drømmer på morgenkvisten er som oftest sterkere hvis jeg våkner og sovner en to-tre ganger. Hva det kommer av har jeg aldri orket å slå opp noe sted, men det er en interessant opplevelse.
Ellers har jeg endelig tatt tipset til min søster og begynt å lage lister over ting som skal/må gjøres. Jeg har aldri kommet over den terskelen før, så dette kan bli riktig morsomt. Jeg er som oftest i stand til å være vanvittig uorganisert, selv om jeg av og til har sett hint av en nokså pertentlig organisator et sted i min fremferd, jeg har bare ikke næret den delen godt nok opp ennå. Det skal bli gøy å gjøre det!
Ellers har jeg nå sluttet å være irritert over hvor vanskelig jeg har for å være coooooooooool. Nå er ordinær bevissthet tilbake og driften frem mot jul går fore på mundant, tidvis lystig vis. Og jeg har ikke begynt å røyke igjen i løpet av de siste to dagene, noe jeg er veldig fornøyd med!
Og jeg skriver setninger igjen, når gjorde jeg sist det på regelmessig basis??? Det begynner å bli leeeenge siden! Så nå er det mye språklig opprydding som må til for å få disse setningene til å se og klinge skikkelig.
Hvem vet, kanskje jeg begynner å lese bøker igjen også en av disse dagene, jeg fant et boktårn på soverommet mitt av bøker jeg burde vært ferdig med. Jeg antar at det enkleste nok blir å gjøre ferdig Alice Munro - Runaway, noveller er enkle å forholde seg til. (Ikke det at de novellene er -enkle- å forholde seg til, men de er rimelig korte.) Disse årene med altfor mye artikkel-lesning har gjort noe med min evne til å forholde seg til lengre tekststykker, jeg liker det egentlig ikke. Samtidig er det et poeng inni her hvor jeg faktisk følte meg litt utlest. Jeg -hadde- fått min posisjon utredet av litteratur, jeg følte ikke at jeg trengte mer innspill om hvordan verden avr på en stund.
Jaja, det hagler/sludder/snør ute og jeg skal ut og sage ved i Skykkjo. Det blir sikkert gøy, jeg tar med meg noen forelesninger om den globale økonomiens struktur. Back to School! Lone Catalysts er så avsindig bra at jeg begynner å danse på kjøkkengulvet!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The Zahir
So i did, not coincidentally, reread Borges` "The Zahir" today. A short story of which i have fond memories from when i was sixteen. Don`t we all wish that we could be sixteen, in love, and telling girls that they were our Zahirs? Well, i got lucky in that respect. Or intensely unlucky, somewhat dependent on how you view it, since my Zahir was a girl and not an object. (My madness though is a tool of my own and societys devising, i shan`t lay that at her feet. Though it of course managed to mangle some aspects and beautify other aspects of the entire sordid tale.)
Ah well, Bill the Cat still loves you.
Pretty days.
Christmas preparations are very comfortable to partake in. Especially when it is done under the aegis of such a talented organizer as my mom! Seriously, I don`t really believe the capacity she has to get things done. It`s phenomenal, and its been absolutely vital to everything that`s been going on in this household for as long as i`ve been alive. Yay for her!
Anyways, my room is slightly different. I now have a stereo in my bed, which mimics the setup i had in Parkveien when i lived there. That could turn out to be phenomenal. (Or it could cause me to delve into several months of rampant paranoia and hallucinations, hey, you never can tell. (actually, i can, and it won`t)). So now i have the most superb writing space devised by man available to me. Which could really mean that i at least get to write something. (Be it only blog posts so be it, practice is practice!)
Not surprisingly, this song by Elan Mehler just made me cry. Ouch, it hit me right in the middle of some uncomfortable recollections and i was in a general state of anguish over wrongs never righted and bridges burned when i heard it, so it snuck in very deep.
Other than that it`s been a good day.
Anyways, my room is slightly different. I now have a stereo in my bed, which mimics the setup i had in Parkveien when i lived there. That could turn out to be phenomenal. (Or it could cause me to delve into several months of rampant paranoia and hallucinations, hey, you never can tell. (actually, i can, and it won`t)). So now i have the most superb writing space devised by man available to me. Which could really mean that i at least get to write something. (Be it only blog posts so be it, practice is practice!)
Not surprisingly, this song by Elan Mehler just made me cry. Ouch, it hit me right in the middle of some uncomfortable recollections and i was in a general state of anguish over wrongs never righted and bridges burned when i heard it, so it snuck in very deep.
Other than that it`s been a good day.
Night maneuvers.
Aaaaaah, HOME!
So, first night at Tysnes. And was there not to be expected the usual interactive hallucinatory tour. Oh yes there was.
The evening started all right, some talk with mom, a screwup of known proportions on facebook , half a beer and lots of heart.
Followed by "Der Kaiser von Atlantis" and an attempt to fall asleep. Which succeeded!! So far so good. Having spent some years in that bed i have to say that a night where i actually -get- -to- -fall- -asleep- is a good thing indeed. I have spent one too many a night outside at five thirty in the morning smoking cigarettes and drinking juice whilst trying to retain calm in the face of visual and auditory hallucinations. To get to enjoy falling asleep in it, (for it is a good bed), is a treat. Much larger than my regular bed nowadays, lots of light and nice books littered all over the place. As it should be.
Alas, the first hijink was that i awoke at approximately three o clock in the night. This being, after all, way too early, and me being, after all, of the sort that is quite insistent of things such as proper time to sleep, caused the usual desire not to engage with any media stimuli such as books, music or my computer. To not want any stimuli is my usual desire under such circumstances and it is of course somewhat self-defeating. (Though it would not have given me the opportunity to write this today, mind you!) So, as the brain has wont to do, it makes something up. Now pray tell thee, the brain is after all the apparatus which has managed to create all these various apparatuses, languages and pictures we use to describe everything, so it is, by all accounts, the wilyest instrument devised by material reality and quite the thingmahjing, as is the term in learned circles.
Now, me being as i am, "A Young Man Up to All Amounts of No Particular Good" And me being of the wants and desires that i am, sensual, explorative and mutually constructive. Have found these terrains to be quite extraordinary and also quite scary in the past. My brain is not so as to have fared through the seas of five years of solitude in the sensual and romantic spheres without having developed some rather problematic deficiencies in its capacity to belive in its power to actually present enjoyable and elucidating imagery and words. For this sphere, as all other spheres of human activity, require a certain amount of capacity in order to get gainful results. I have occasionally been -very- incapable of producing these results and that usually causes no end of grief anger and self-defeatism. To get to flounder through these interactions in such a friendly manner as tonight was therefore a pleasant surprise.
Now, what always surprises me is the competitive properties of these spaces. It is at times unnerving to see which characters play themselves out against each other and how aspects of me try to play myself out in relation to that again. It`s especially unnerving when an interaction is occuring with one "person/figment/whateverthethingmahjingis" and the constellations of being relative to one another become so apparent. (Yet in a manner deeply untrue. Getting to spend sensous nights with women one has always been deeply infatuated in is best -not- indulged in if one ends up believing it to be an accurate portrayal of real relations.) (To at times wonder about the mechanics of the universe that leads up to such capacities, and wondering how they somehow mark the flow of internal and external events is another matter entirely, the brainbodymatterconsciousnessglobalizationinternetquestion is still somewhat open, this is an unfolding system which has created itself for christsakes, it has some tricks!)
So, tonight was okay, a lot of sensousness, some anguish, some gentle and playful jousting for positioning in relation to beings of desire, the military guest appearance, some costumes, and some unnecessary heckling. Difficult to maneuver if you`re 26, unemployed, broke, and somewhat troubled by your future possibilities. Comfortable when you manage to maneuver though. (Or when it maneuvers your inner visual/auditory patterns, it`s easy to keep track of which is which.)
So, that is why i on most nights put Hegre-Art massage videos on infinite loop. So that i have something to watch when i wake up and don`t want to wade through my brain.
Traffic analysis is still fun. Analysing the traffic patterns of my own brain, yes quite.
So, first night at Tysnes. And was there not to be expected the usual interactive hallucinatory tour. Oh yes there was.
The evening started all right, some talk with mom, a screwup of known proportions on facebook , half a beer and lots of heart.
Followed by "Der Kaiser von Atlantis" and an attempt to fall asleep. Which succeeded!! So far so good. Having spent some years in that bed i have to say that a night where i actually -get- -to- -fall- -asleep- is a good thing indeed. I have spent one too many a night outside at five thirty in the morning smoking cigarettes and drinking juice whilst trying to retain calm in the face of visual and auditory hallucinations. To get to enjoy falling asleep in it, (for it is a good bed), is a treat. Much larger than my regular bed nowadays, lots of light and nice books littered all over the place. As it should be.
Alas, the first hijink was that i awoke at approximately three o clock in the night. This being, after all, way too early, and me being, after all, of the sort that is quite insistent of things such as proper time to sleep, caused the usual desire not to engage with any media stimuli such as books, music or my computer. To not want any stimuli is my usual desire under such circumstances and it is of course somewhat self-defeating. (Though it would not have given me the opportunity to write this today, mind you!) So, as the brain has wont to do, it makes something up. Now pray tell thee, the brain is after all the apparatus which has managed to create all these various apparatuses, languages and pictures we use to describe everything, so it is, by all accounts, the wilyest instrument devised by material reality and quite the thingmahjing, as is the term in learned circles.
Now, me being as i am, "A Young Man Up to All Amounts of No Particular Good" And me being of the wants and desires that i am, sensual, explorative and mutually constructive. Have found these terrains to be quite extraordinary and also quite scary in the past. My brain is not so as to have fared through the seas of five years of solitude in the sensual and romantic spheres without having developed some rather problematic deficiencies in its capacity to belive in its power to actually present enjoyable and elucidating imagery and words. For this sphere, as all other spheres of human activity, require a certain amount of capacity in order to get gainful results. I have occasionally been -very- incapable of producing these results and that usually causes no end of grief anger and self-defeatism. To get to flounder through these interactions in such a friendly manner as tonight was therefore a pleasant surprise.
Now, what always surprises me is the competitive properties of these spaces. It is at times unnerving to see which characters play themselves out against each other and how aspects of me try to play myself out in relation to that again. It`s especially unnerving when an interaction is occuring with one "person/figment/whateverthethingmahjingis" and the constellations of being relative to one another become so apparent. (Yet in a manner deeply untrue. Getting to spend sensous nights with women one has always been deeply infatuated in is best -not- indulged in if one ends up believing it to be an accurate portrayal of real relations.) (To at times wonder about the mechanics of the universe that leads up to such capacities, and wondering how they somehow mark the flow of internal and external events is another matter entirely, the brainbodymatterconsciousnessglobalizationinternetquestion is still somewhat open, this is an unfolding system which has created itself for christsakes, it has some tricks!)
So, tonight was okay, a lot of sensousness, some anguish, some gentle and playful jousting for positioning in relation to beings of desire, the military guest appearance, some costumes, and some unnecessary heckling. Difficult to maneuver if you`re 26, unemployed, broke, and somewhat troubled by your future possibilities. Comfortable when you manage to maneuver though. (Or when it maneuvers your inner visual/auditory patterns, it`s easy to keep track of which is which.)
So, that is why i on most nights put Hegre-Art massage videos on infinite loop. So that i have something to watch when i wake up and don`t want to wade through my brain.
Traffic analysis is still fun. Analysing the traffic patterns of my own brain, yes quite.
Monday, December 6, 2010
O-o, looking for shoes.
Ta.
A man, making a blog post, about looking for shoes! Alert the internet!
Or, maybe not.
Anyway. I was actually out looking for shoes today. It made me feel worn out. Which is a piercing and in some particulars correct analysis. My shoes, which i until recently had quite liked, turned out to be old and worn when i looked at them closely. My pants felt cheap, my sweater so-so, my shirt is technically for more outdoorsy uses and my gloves and cap felt worn. All in all not a good feeling. Especially when i at all times feel like sandblasting my face.
So i grew very tired of looking for shoes. Which was doublesome annoying since the only ones i really liked cost about 2700NOK, which is as we say WAY TOO FUCKING EXPENSIVE FOR ZE UNEMPLOYED!
Not to worry though i will eventually find a pair of shoes i can wear. And if not i`ll buy a new coat instead. I did after all get myself a pair of running shoes not too long ago, and they`re made in collaboration with Continental tires. Which is, just basically, -Awesome-.
So basically, the news from the front is that looking for shoes and clothes can make the poor and unemployed feel rather down on themselves. Who`d a thunk it! Things got better though.
On the bus ride home to Tysnes i started a new lecture series, this time it`s the intricacies of a global economy which are to be exposed. The lecturer was a man to my liking. Comfortably critical about the allotment of resources and the general running of things. Which i like to hear from the high halls of academia. So it`s going to be a nice course.
The high was yet to come though, when i got of the bus i had to wait another hour and a half for the ferry to come and take me over to Tysnes. During which time i got to listen to The Beast and Nnenna Freelon. Which is hot damn one of the best albums i`ve heard in a while. Solid jazz-hiphop-fusion with all the right messages conveyed!
And then, to just up the ante even further, i sat back on the ferry with the newest David Lapham comic. "Kull the Hate Witch" is somewhat outside of my realm in comics. I`ll be honest, this could end up being very fun! Especially since i finished of the jump-off as i went abourd the ferry for an island. THAT`S called whoring for a parallelization! =)
We`ll see how Kull`s empire fares!
Home, and back in the bed i`ve spent a lot of time in over the years. It feels comforting. At least as long as i am writing.
Oh, and lectures in german are very funny. I feel like wearing a finely pressed shirt and a bowtie just so i am "correct" enough to be present. (I swerve along and manage to catch at least a third or a fourth of what is being said, it`s nice to be in another language for a while!)
And Re: "Kull The Hate Witch". Tonight it`s time for "Der Kaiser von Atlantis"!
A man, making a blog post, about looking for shoes! Alert the internet!
Or, maybe not.
Anyway. I was actually out looking for shoes today. It made me feel worn out. Which is a piercing and in some particulars correct analysis. My shoes, which i until recently had quite liked, turned out to be old and worn when i looked at them closely. My pants felt cheap, my sweater so-so, my shirt is technically for more outdoorsy uses and my gloves and cap felt worn. All in all not a good feeling. Especially when i at all times feel like sandblasting my face.
So i grew very tired of looking for shoes. Which was doublesome annoying since the only ones i really liked cost about 2700NOK, which is as we say WAY TOO FUCKING EXPENSIVE FOR ZE UNEMPLOYED!
Not to worry though i will eventually find a pair of shoes i can wear. And if not i`ll buy a new coat instead. I did after all get myself a pair of running shoes not too long ago, and they`re made in collaboration with Continental tires. Which is, just basically, -Awesome-.
So basically, the news from the front is that looking for shoes and clothes can make the poor and unemployed feel rather down on themselves. Who`d a thunk it! Things got better though.
On the bus ride home to Tysnes i started a new lecture series, this time it`s the intricacies of a global economy which are to be exposed. The lecturer was a man to my liking. Comfortably critical about the allotment of resources and the general running of things. Which i like to hear from the high halls of academia. So it`s going to be a nice course.
The high was yet to come though, when i got of the bus i had to wait another hour and a half for the ferry to come and take me over to Tysnes. During which time i got to listen to The Beast and Nnenna Freelon. Which is hot damn one of the best albums i`ve heard in a while. Solid jazz-hiphop-fusion with all the right messages conveyed!
And then, to just up the ante even further, i sat back on the ferry with the newest David Lapham comic. "Kull the Hate Witch" is somewhat outside of my realm in comics. I`ll be honest, this could end up being very fun! Especially since i finished of the jump-off as i went abourd the ferry for an island. THAT`S called whoring for a parallelization! =)
We`ll see how Kull`s empire fares!
Home, and back in the bed i`ve spent a lot of time in over the years. It feels comforting. At least as long as i am writing.
Oh, and lectures in german are very funny. I feel like wearing a finely pressed shirt and a bowtie just so i am "correct" enough to be present. (I swerve along and manage to catch at least a third or a fourth of what is being said, it`s nice to be in another language for a while!)
And Re: "Kull The Hate Witch". Tonight it`s time for "Der Kaiser von Atlantis"!
Surfacing
Phew, i was really deconstructed there for a couple of days. The wonders of nicotine-withdrawal and a general lack of accomplishment for a 26 year old manifests themselves in such interesting ways.
Swinging through my more depressed aspects is never fun, yet i am aware of how temporary those sentiments are, so i stay on the path of denigrating expressions and passivity until something in my brain manages to reactivate the neuronal pathways of opportunity and enjoyment.
Which i am now on, YAY!
And i did get to listen to a couple of incredible records whilst sad, so i got something out of it as well.
Elizabeth Shepherd was very nice, so was Electric Wire Hustle. And this compilation is bliss on a disc. Causing me to spend all of yesterday thinking of roses, which is always a good thing.
Especially since Der Rosenkavalier was playing on Mezzo in the evening, something i discovered when i fell right into it. That i`d just spent all day thinking of roses, humming on Georgia Anne Muldrow`s track and wondering how best to present it and a drawn rose to somebody made my experience of Der Rosenkavalier into something very special!
The memory of which i thereafter buried in the sand and took my lamentations to go on a Winterreise. It was the first day of snowfall in Bergen yesterday, so i really wanted to listen to it, which i did before falling asleep.
I thought i`d have to spend yesterday laboring pretty hard in the cellar, so i had cancelled my roleplaying-session. I hope they had fun nonetheless, especially since we ended up just goofing around, baking cookies and going for a long walk past Munkebotn and to Langevatnet. Which was spent talking of family, history, being, ourselves, and the future. Quite enjoyable. Got to watch ice skaters (which i for the first time in my life really felt the need to do!) and met some nice dogs. Hopefully my aunt got some nice pictures as well.
And then i got to read Don De Lillo`s short story in Harper`s! I`m not surprised to find excellent short stories in that magazine. They`ve all been great this year, but De Lillo really managed to play with my outlook on life as a professional storyteller should. It made it apparent that i really need to start reading "End Zone" soon, it`s been on my to-do list since april.
After that there was nothing to do but fall asleep whilst watching massage videos from Hegre Art . Having lived without a sex-life for five years in a situation akin to the hotel room deconstruction part of The Wall teaches a man to compensate. That it has been something of a strain should be obvious. Trying to change the channel from warfare to massages seems like a good plan, no? Oh well, at least i`ll know a little about erotic massages if i ever manage to stumble into an actual sex life. (Cue suppressed agonized shrieks of anguish).
For further reference see this episode of South Park. Or go read Aldous Huxleys "The Genius and the Goddess", It manages to portray the dynamics between vitality and sexuality in a lucid and harrowing way.
That`s what it`s like to be "Alive Alone".
But hey, it`s a bright day with some light snow, so enjoy life and go "Walking In The Winter"
I`m off to Tysnes. Yeahyeahyeah!
Swinging through my more depressed aspects is never fun, yet i am aware of how temporary those sentiments are, so i stay on the path of denigrating expressions and passivity until something in my brain manages to reactivate the neuronal pathways of opportunity and enjoyment.
Which i am now on, YAY!
And i did get to listen to a couple of incredible records whilst sad, so i got something out of it as well.
Elizabeth Shepherd was very nice, so was Electric Wire Hustle. And this compilation is bliss on a disc. Causing me to spend all of yesterday thinking of roses, which is always a good thing.
Especially since Der Rosenkavalier was playing on Mezzo in the evening, something i discovered when i fell right into it. That i`d just spent all day thinking of roses, humming on Georgia Anne Muldrow`s track and wondering how best to present it and a drawn rose to somebody made my experience of Der Rosenkavalier into something very special!
The memory of which i thereafter buried in the sand and took my lamentations to go on a Winterreise. It was the first day of snowfall in Bergen yesterday, so i really wanted to listen to it, which i did before falling asleep.
I thought i`d have to spend yesterday laboring pretty hard in the cellar, so i had cancelled my roleplaying-session. I hope they had fun nonetheless, especially since we ended up just goofing around, baking cookies and going for a long walk past Munkebotn and to Langevatnet. Which was spent talking of family, history, being, ourselves, and the future. Quite enjoyable. Got to watch ice skaters (which i for the first time in my life really felt the need to do!) and met some nice dogs. Hopefully my aunt got some nice pictures as well.
And then i got to read Don De Lillo`s short story in Harper`s! I`m not surprised to find excellent short stories in that magazine. They`ve all been great this year, but De Lillo really managed to play with my outlook on life as a professional storyteller should. It made it apparent that i really need to start reading "End Zone" soon, it`s been on my to-do list since april.
After that there was nothing to do but fall asleep whilst watching massage videos from Hegre Art . Having lived without a sex-life for five years in a situation akin to the hotel room deconstruction part of The Wall teaches a man to compensate. That it has been something of a strain should be obvious. Trying to change the channel from warfare to massages seems like a good plan, no? Oh well, at least i`ll know a little about erotic massages if i ever manage to stumble into an actual sex life. (Cue suppressed agonized shrieks of anguish).
For further reference see this episode of South Park. Or go read Aldous Huxleys "The Genius and the Goddess", It manages to portray the dynamics between vitality and sexuality in a lucid and harrowing way.
That`s what it`s like to be "Alive Alone".
But hey, it`s a bright day with some light snow, so enjoy life and go "Walking In The Winter"
I`m off to Tysnes. Yeahyeahyeah!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Still....hanging.....on
Being in bed with a laptop and the sound of cars in the distance makes me feel comfortable. What more is there to say really? I could ruminate at length on topics of little import to others. Luckily for me that is what i`m already doing.
Trying on language is amusing. Finding nothing to wear in language not so.
Banal, abstract, concrete. Shoes. Fishes swim.
Scared money don`t make money. Saul Williams is right about that. Scared thinking don`t make thinking. Unfortunately for me.
Watching myself in different forms of expressive decomposition is painful, but required.
I just discovered that i can forge the Post date, hilarious!
The city won`t explode tonight either. Luckily.
Trying on language is amusing. Finding nothing to wear in language not so.
Banal, abstract, concrete. Shoes. Fishes swim.
Scared money don`t make money. Saul Williams is right about that. Scared thinking don`t make thinking. Unfortunately for me.
Watching myself in different forms of expressive decomposition is painful, but required.
I just discovered that i can forge the Post date, hilarious!
The city won`t explode tonight either. Luckily.
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