Stepping up.

So.
Finalized new computer setup and i now have a functioning laptop from which to write this post. (Which is done horribly slow due to my unfamiliarity with Dvorak-keybindings. That will improve over time though...)

There is this part of Count Zero which continues to annoy/intrigue me. If my haphazard memory does not betray me it is at the beginning of the novel, and deals with the experience of being "infoblasted" a character dossier in a format not really fit for human consumption. And me, being who i am, a conjecturing nobody, find it hard to see that as state of the art in 1985.
Who knows the true capacity of these unreliable telepathy-like interactions. You`d be as hard-pressed as ever to make me define them as purely local. But this leaves me still somewhat troubled mentally. (Which i am okay with since i`ve been trending upwards physically and materially over the past year.) But the immediate payoff in comfortable and controllable mental expression has yet to manifest itself. I guess i really did go overboard on mentally displaying myself in an as-reprehensible-as-possible way. Which i did for several good reasons.
First of all, i refuse to enter into complete passivity, or the receptive meditative state, i like expression and will continue to value mine highly. The problem with this is of course, as i`ll admit, that my mental expression borders on the unhinged at the best of times. This is partly due to lack of skill, but it`s a lack of skill that is accentuated by my input/output-response experience. Now, if i wish i can view this as me submerging into (should that be with?) my unconscious. And this seems to be the method most preferred by others when broaching the topic of mental experience. But it leaves me, as previously noted, horribly unsatisfied as there is no actual proof present in such a reductive analysis (beg to differ with proof and i am a happy camper!.
So, this lack of skill in expression as presented (at times in glaringly obvious manners) in what to me cannot be by me truthfully defined as a single-user-space causes a lot of processing difficulties, most of which have to be summed up as the choice between refinement and negation. The problem also being that refinement has its own set of antagonizers, which are incredibly difficult to keep under control when soloing. Soloing these "multi"user-realms, is quite difficult, as i fall under phew socio-economic-institutional umbrellas and have a sorry tendency to take my harsh mechanics for self-judgement and automatically apply them on others with the added bonus feature of them not being me (for which i have an intriguing set of leniencies, to be sure!)

Gingerly obtuse.

But hey, with the stated goal of certain tech-people being to put the interface of their computing-devices at the brain-level all of these complications encountered in my single/multi/quasi/whatever-userland of my mental experiences on the whole quite amusing. But i still find it difficult to maintain my mental composure for prolonged periods of time.
Soooo, as long as we are on the topic. What is the backstory to Rydell & Carters Critical Miss experience-range-erin storyline. I`m inclined to find that very fascinating indeed. My experiences after playing Subvein were quite the fancy stuff, and there seems to be something in the high intensity of the interactions with videogames which cause my brain to spin into multi-expressive overdrive when i try to get some shuteye.

At the end of the day though, I`ll remember two things though, from the fun-filled-ride that was 05/06/07 and whenever. The voices in my head telling me to keep quiet in order to make everything turn out all right in semi-threatening ways, and me refusing to acquiesce to such a demand. (Doing so in practice is more difficult than loudly claiming so mentally, but the memory remains.)
Though i do also remember waking up once and not remembering anything about who i was and my story thus far, so I`m not saying there aren`t ways of making such matters forgotten...