Do i know where i am any longer? Do i still remember my 21st birthday? Do i still remember the emotional intensity that was involved in what i experienced in those days mentally? And does anybody relate to what that was in an intelligent manner?
Do they? Should they? Probably not. That was my fight. If i meet people who have had similar fights and we recognize each other then that is all right, i shouldn`t try to foist them onto beings not capable of relating to them.
But yeah. I want to fuck you like an animal.

So, were you all synchronous? WERE YOU? Are you aware of how hard i`ve argued for the universality of the synchronous experience in order to avoid looking at my self as unique? I`ve spent so many hours espousing the theory of synchronisity as a universal attribute embodied by all beings as to make myself sick. THIS IS NOT AN EXCLUSIVE PROPERTY, BUT ITS HELLA SCARY THAT SO FEW PEOPLE TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AND RELATE TO IT AS A CAPACITY OF PHYSICAL REALITY.
Dear god how that scares me. I`m stuck in the infinite reflections of my unfolding being and people i meet laugh it away as if i was delusional. What happened to make me perceptive to it and them oblivious to it? Could somebody explain that to me? Please? Please? Please?! Is it because i have a HCE and they haven`t?
And all of those hallucinatory terrains.... Did you have those and neglect to tell, or didn`t you at all. Trust me, i were in areas of those terrains where voices told me that everything would improve if i told nobody about it. And maybe it did for alot of you... I honestly don`t know. If you`ve spent six years+ in hallucinatory landscapes involving all of your friends, families and extended social networks then you have some issues with how the world unfolds. I`ve seen aspects of people that are in line with what i believe them to be. (And the charge can be laid at my feet that it is a show of my unconscious....but that would only tell me that my unconscious superscedes my conscious capacity, which opens up the can of worms that is the realization that consciousness is superficial to the further unfolding of humanity.) No Honestly. If my unconscious can present counter-arguments to every argument i try to present, and if it can offer a relevant counterimage to any conscious image i try to express (whilst chastising me for presenting any image at all, as if they were an imposition on other peoples consciousness) then the untapped potential of my brain is to me infinite. The alternative, which none of you appear to entertain, is that the collective being that is reality is harnessing the tools available to it in reality to construct something that superscedes the individual consciousness. Which is okay to a certain degreee. But i heard i rhyme just recently. "We call it control, they call it coercive persuasion." And if you cannot conform to the majority view whilst engaging in these interactive spaces you end up getting shitted on pretty heavily. (Yeah, it was pretty amusing to be sodomized in my dreams for playing with pro-israel stances after having been the most informed being in my social sphere about the genocide currently taking place in the region.) LAMERS! FUCK YOU. You find a weak individual and then you try to assert yourself towards that person in order to gain stature in relation to your group instead of asserting yourself towards the structure as it is. I hate you for it pretty intensely.

I am not the endpoint. Understanding the mechanics of our current interaction is the enpoint. Failure to recognize that is failure. Capacity to understand that is appreciated.

I am scared. And alone. I have a supportive family. For which i am grateful. But i am still scared, and alone. I want to wake up next to somebody and feel that i have and ally off on her own explorative venture. But i`ve given up on that idea. Seriously, six years of waking up alone destroys a man.

G out.