Days like these.

Sirens screaming, panic and disorder, tried to order whisky got tapwater. There goes the bus i missed.
They always told me there`d be days like this.

Trying times for a brain like mine. Having to spend large parts of what is meant to be productive math work apologizing in my brain for actions with which i can argue to no avail over the mechanics of and which also happened five years ago somewhat diminishes the effectiveness of my math-training. It is incredibly annoying to have to constantly ward off aspects of what seems to me to be beings capable of being multiplicitous to the extreme or extremely capable of the art of mimicry, (or just warding off aspects from the sewers of my repetitive, somewhat damaged, unconscious self.) Probably a mixture of the three, at least.
The task of discerning which it is which aspect seems nigh on impossible. Though i can at least be capable of discerning when my mental experience makes something come across as a clear injection (as false as that experience may be) to when i experience it as regular self-conscious/unconscious activity.

I assume i`ll have to wave my hands through the shadows of my consciousness as best i can in order to at least portray my relations to the impinging aspects in an as clear manner as possible. A task whose art i may or may not be capable of participating in.

It`s fun to just wade in the background of one`s head and see what words and images are produced. At times relevant, at times novel, at times eerie.


Otherwise. It`s depressing to see how fast recently established mathematical methods disappear from my brain. Granted i recognize and reclaim the methods easier now, but still, my capacity for attentiveness, recollection and implementation is still dangerously low. Hopefully this is rectifiable, if not i will have to really reconsider my potential routes through and to a life with a satisfactory income base.

In better news, first person in the book @ Stoltzekleiven second day in a row. And i even timed my walk. 17:44 is not particularly impressive, but then again, i wasn`t even deep-breathed when i reached the top. Marvellous breakfast, comfortable lunch. Once again with quite interesting articles to read.
Harper`s : A peek into the social dynamics of Obama`s Chicago establishment and the ways in which this has led to an influx of Chicagoans in Washington. (Particularly intrigued by how they will reapply their newfound knowledge of the country and administrative endeavors when they return to Chicago.) The article was otherwise slightly too gawky and not too intent on analyzing implications and historical precedents for me. Alas, one can`t reach over everything over the course of six pages either, i guess.
American Scientist : And a splendid, (though written in the tone of Werner Herzog ,which was creepy), article about exploration and experimentation in chemistry, the at times unrepeatable nature of some experiments. It was also a nice way to show forth how different interests can be nurtured under a rigorous schedule. I`ll take a European university journey before i take a literature-journey though. Some other patterns were present as well which left me radiantly amused.