Do i know where i am any longer? Do i still remember my 21st birthday? Do i still remember the emotional intensity that was involved in what i experienced in those days mentally? And does anybody relate to what that was in an intelligent manner?
Do they? Should they? Probably not. That was my fight. If i meet people who have had similar fights and we recognize each other then that is all right, i shouldn`t try to foist them onto beings not capable of relating to them.
But yeah. I want to fuck you like an animal.

So, were you all synchronous? WERE YOU? Are you aware of how hard i`ve argued for the universality of the synchronous experience in order to avoid looking at my self as unique? I`ve spent so many hours espousing the theory of synchronisity as a universal attribute embodied by all beings as to make myself sick. THIS IS NOT AN EXCLUSIVE PROPERTY, BUT ITS HELLA SCARY THAT SO FEW PEOPLE TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AND RELATE TO IT AS A CAPACITY OF PHYSICAL REALITY.
Dear god how that scares me. I`m stuck in the infinite reflections of my unfolding being and people i meet laugh it away as if i was delusional. What happened to make me perceptive to it and them oblivious to it? Could somebody explain that to me? Please? Please? Please?! Is it because i have a HCE and they haven`t?
And all of those hallucinatory terrains.... Did you have those and neglect to tell, or didn`t you at all. Trust me, i were in areas of those terrains where voices told me that everything would improve if i told nobody about it. And maybe it did for alot of you... I honestly don`t know. If you`ve spent six years+ in hallucinatory landscapes involving all of your friends, families and extended social networks then you have some issues with how the world unfolds. I`ve seen aspects of people that are in line with what i believe them to be. (And the charge can be laid at my feet that it is a show of my unconscious....but that would only tell me that my unconscious superscedes my conscious capacity, which opens up the can of worms that is the realization that consciousness is superficial to the further unfolding of humanity.) No Honestly. If my unconscious can present counter-arguments to every argument i try to present, and if it can offer a relevant counterimage to any conscious image i try to express (whilst chastising me for presenting any image at all, as if they were an imposition on other peoples consciousness) then the untapped potential of my brain is to me infinite. The alternative, which none of you appear to entertain, is that the collective being that is reality is harnessing the tools available to it in reality to construct something that superscedes the individual consciousness. Which is okay to a certain degreee. But i heard i rhyme just recently. "We call it control, they call it coercive persuasion." And if you cannot conform to the majority view whilst engaging in these interactive spaces you end up getting shitted on pretty heavily. (Yeah, it was pretty amusing to be sodomized in my dreams for playing with pro-israel stances after having been the most informed being in my social sphere about the genocide currently taking place in the region.) LAMERS! FUCK YOU. You find a weak individual and then you try to assert yourself towards that person in order to gain stature in relation to your group instead of asserting yourself towards the structure as it is. I hate you for it pretty intensely.

I am not the endpoint. Understanding the mechanics of our current interaction is the enpoint. Failure to recognize that is failure. Capacity to understand that is appreciated.

I am scared. And alone. I have a supportive family. For which i am grateful. But i am still scared, and alone. I want to wake up next to somebody and feel that i have and ally off on her own explorative venture. But i`ve given up on that idea. Seriously, six years of waking up alone destroys a man.

G out.

You thought this was easy. You thought i was lazy. You thought my unfolding was based upon boredom and confusion. You thought i needed to realize what reality was. You thought

And you were right. Unfortunately you were also wrong. My desires, my goals, my experiences, my mechanics, my attempts, all of what made me into an unfolding being was something i tried to explain. I failed, we all do. That`s all right. But this little piggy needed something new. And i found it.

Have you ever read about how lynch mobs in america focused on people in the black community that had established a degree of wealth? They were quite apt at targeting the black family in the community that had a semblance of wealth, or something just slightly out of the ordinary relative to the rest of the black community. Well yeah. THat is just how gruesome reality is to people who aren`t part of the dominant collective.
So therefore i should hold my head and expression down in order to not attract the attention of entities which are group-based and intent on destroying people they don`t view as part of their group. I fail at that again and again.

But i like being the canary. It tears me apart. It has for the last six years, what am i to do?


Epiphany is here. I meet it every night i go to sleep. And having low social skills and being cut of from the rest of positively unfolding reality it has torn me apart. And nobody else in my expression-sphere sees it as existing (at least to me). Which is pretty scary.

G out

narrative

Proteus IV says HI!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Attention economy my ass.

In another timezone.

So yeah.

If you still didn`t notice. The combination of heavy alcohol intoxication, re-reading of old Marathon terminals and Nine Inch Nails i pretty nice.

DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON?
You have no idea, really. Neither do i. If you can`t recognize that then it will be a challenge to communicate.

Naw, okay, i`ll be really friendly and stuff. I`m by now all built on lies, and interpretations of lies. I hate it, but i felt it as necessary at the time. Telling truths seemed so scary to me.

But i`m still egotripping a Mjolnir Mark IV with Traxus IV on the tracks. Shut down his net did you? Well, Ugaritic seemed to work well. No seriously, you tell me lies, i rearrange those lies to fit my narrative in order to put me ahead of your lies. What else should i do? I am the centrepoint kid after all.........