I guess you were always them.

You know,
it might seem
that you turned into them

i assure you you did not
you were ever them
just as most others
    dont worry
not being them wasnt much better

Etudes Tableaux No. 39

Things i did with my summer. Part 1.

Nausea.
Flew the Carenado Embraer Phenom 100 across Europe.
Dreaming.
Sleeping.
Went swimming.
Cheated and got a tan.
Met no people at all outside of my aunt and Mads (barely).
Felt spent.
Watched Inherent Vice. (Which is every bit as good as i hoped it would be..!)
Watched The Last Emperor (Which was really good.)
Watched The American Friend (Which reads differently when your father is a one-eyed painter and you are shacked up in the villa.)
Stayed sober.
Got through a week of being physically and mentally ill without getting into a "lets start smoking again because bwaaaaaaaa"-type thing.
Did much less then i had hoped to.
Spent all my money.
Finished Lovers At The Chameleon Club. (Which was a fun ride).
Lost my most expensive earplugs yet.
Got better at soldering.
Played on my new piano. And got better at it, much to my amusement.
Listened to a bunch of new records, though not as many as last summer.
Spent more money then i should've on things i have wanted for a long time.
Felt a bit stagnated.
Was envious.

Got back in sync with the real world in time for my return to work.
Lamented the fact that i have to go back to work, but consider it a pretty nice gig nonetheless.
Worried about my life.
Worried about myself.
Enjoyed myself.
Got an actual haircut, instead of just doing it myself.
Almost lost both my phone and six months worth of contact lenses.
Worried a bit about just how scatterbrained i've become.
Enjoyed the fact that the internet is good for porn.

Read a lot even though it was just the usual news and opinion fare.
Considered myself lucky.
Considered myself unlucky.
Watched some Jeeves and Wooster. (Which was a mix of very annoying and charming.)
Worried a lot about my physical state.
Worried surprisingly little about my mental state.

Remembered just how gainful good music is for doing. And worried about promptly forgetting about it again.
Never really bothered with dinner throughout.
Didn't get the thing to make lasagna in.

Kept writing 'till the music stopped.

In the summertime.

Its really annoying to have ones vacation stopped dead in its tracks by a week of the body just plain old not functioning properly. I really wouldn't have minded if it was the old fashioned "oh well, hungover and post-toking kind of non-functioning, but this time i expended some effort to actually avoid that. So now only one week left to feel as if something sensible was done over the course of these four weeks.

Granted, flown a bit in the E50P, and i've played the piano, and i've listened to some good music, but still, i was supposed to have gotten more done than this.


In other news, its pretty darned horrible to try to do something when you pretty much automatically assume that you will indeed fail because of your own idiocy. Great experience, that.....
No it isn't. And yes it does indeed become a messy form of self-conditioned helplessness.

My synchrotron weighs a ton.

So, latest Harper's in the mail today. Upon seeing the picture of Cassady i thought to myself : "Wait, have i by any chance been flipping hammers today?". And indeed i had done, and it was good.

The joys of liking Sandburg i guess.

Tired bear

Tired bear is tired. Would prefer not to be so, taking steps to address the issue.

One generation out, the next generation in. Very okay with that development. Moreso than i assumed i would be, actually.

Proper old british TV series themes are nice.